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Self Insert "People can really believe anything these days!" - Ismism This page is meant to represent Pollere's political views. Please do not make any major edits without their permission. |
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Work in Progress "I'll be done any day now!" - Still-Being-Drawnism This page is not done yet and may still contain inaccurate information or miss important details. |
Branch Pollerianism is an 
Esoteric Christian Fascist 
ideology stemming from the ongoing Willy Wonka Experiment being conducted by Pollere V and his descendent, Pollere VI. The experiment goes into the effects of watching the new Wonka (2023) film while holding in a shit after praying the Lord's Prayer six times spread out across the sixth hour of the day. The contents of this page detail the development of the experiment and the effects it has on the subject, Pollere.
Principles
Undying dedication to THE PROPHECY and its goals.
Undying dedication to the teachings of the Bible.
- The importance of dreams to the advancement of the Willy Wonka Experiment.
THE PROPHECY and the Dreams of the 28th
THE PROPHECY is as follows: "im so fucking confused right now. the little orange man with green hair is the spirit of former president Bill Clinton and i must fight him to the death to activate the second coming of Christ. in order for this to me made so, churches must change the bread and wine in communion to milk and chocolate to face temptation and ultimately defeat it in order to summon the spirit of former president Bill Clinton. but the only way to convince the churches to do this is to go to Miami and retrieve the head of an underage gang member and bring it to the Pope so he can curse it with liberal magic and turn it into a bomb that will travel back in time to destroy the World Trade Center six weeks early. although Clinton is still alive, his spirit has been subdued by Jeffrey Epstein. Epstein was killed by Bill Clinton's agents as an act of revenge for subduing his spirit." - Pollere V
The meaning of THE PROPHECY relates to the revelations of Pollere V on December 28th, 2023. He came to realize that the Dreams of the 28th (three dreams Pollere V had while sleeping on the early morning of December 28th, 2023) as well as statements by his father in the hours afterwards were all connected to the Wonka (2023) film he had seen with his family on the night of December 27th, 2023.
However, THE PROPHECY is not the only extrabiblical text or doctrine having an effect on Branch Pollerianism. The contents of the Dreams of the 28th are not all included in THE PROPHECY, but are still relevant to it and are imperative to the success of the Willy Wonka Experiment.
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The First Dream, that being the Cosmic War of the Gods, was a dream lasting from around 1:00 AM to exactly 2:00 AM on December 28th, 2023. The dream began with Pollere V flying through what he believed to be outer space, while passing by several floating brick structures. In these structures and beyond, the Cosmic War of the Gods took place, which was a conflict between the Greek and Roman gods as well as Pollere V himself. During this dream, Pollere V found that when he attempted to fully open his eyes, he would simply see the dream from a different lens rather than wake up. This meant that the dream had to be finished before he could escape it. The first battle of the Cosmic War of the Gods was between the Greek war god Ares and the Roman god of the sky, Jupiter. The battle ended with Jupiter's victory and the defeat of Ares. Pollere V was only partially involved in this battle, fighting against both the armies of the Greeks and Romans using powers granted to him by the dream itself. These powers were flight, unbreakable willpower, and "Premonition," which granted Pollere V the ability to see the actions of his enemies before they happened. The result of this battle was the destruction of half of both the Greek and Roman armies, the death of Ares, and the complete annihilation of the Isle of Squeisch, which was the brick structure on which the battle took place. The destruction of Squeisch killed all 10 million of the inhabitants of Squeisch City, the city within the structure. What exactly destroyed the structure is still unknown, although it is speculated that the lightning strike brought down by Jupiter upon Ares' head (the final blow that killed him) had a ripple effect and shattered the island. Pollere V was able to escape due to his ability to fly.
The second battle of the war was the Nine Muse Mutiny. This mutiny took place on the Greek starship The Gaysexual. The Gaysexual was taken over by the Nine Muses after they rebelled against their Greek captors and seized the ship. The battle resulted in The Gaysexual switching to the Roman side and the death of 300 Greek naval servicemen, including the ship's captain, Captain Dick. Pollere V was totally uninvolved in this battle, but it would be instrumental in his eventual victory.
The third battle was the Battle of the Bulge, which took place on the tip of the penis of Hephaestus, Greek god of the forge. The battle took place between 60 Roman soldiers and 10 Greek army officers. Pollere V singlehandedly ended the battle when he gave Hephaestus seven hundred million gallons of water, resulting in him urinating. The urination killed all 70 combatants present in the battle. However, Hephaestus was killed by the water itself since Pollere V had filled it with Uranium-234, killing the god with the pure radiation. Pollere V flew off to the next battle.
The fourth and second-to-last battle was a duel between Pollere V and Jupiter, Roman god of the sky. It took place upon another brick structure, that being the Indiana Platform. The duel was almost won by Jupiter, but then Poseidon, Greek god of the sea, threw his trident at Jupiter from a hundred miles away, crushing the sky god's skull and saving Pollere V.