PCBaller World/Greater Illinois/GINN

Greater Illinosian News Network presents: real-time news and stuff (literally the only reason that this is here instead of the other page)! I'm your host, Wolfgang Eberhardt!

The Latest:

• Illinois Is Hosting a Big Banquet
  • To commemorate the growing stability and advancement of the world, President Bernard Henderson has announced that Greater Illinois will host its own banquet! Expected to serve around 1,000 people in total, this banquet will take place in the Hall of Veritas, which is expected to be closed off for around a month to prepare the building to house the prestigious group that will be attending the banquet. Delegations from every country in the world will be invited (save for Sequoyah, Texas, Missouri, East California, the Neo-Soviet Union, Dacia, the Balkan Union and Canada), and even delegates from places like North Germany and Norway-Sweden will be invited to the festivities. On top of that, prominent businessmen, academics and generals worldwide will also be invited to partake in the festivities. According to the plan, the banquet will span a period of three days, with a different meal plan and festivities for each day. The first day will host a 35-course meal spanning seven hours, modeling a new model of culinary art dubbed "reflection cuisine," which puts many issues the world faces into perspective through the vessel of food and drink. The second day will be a 7-course White Tie banquet, with appropriate uniforms provided upon request. Finally, the last day will be very unofficial, yet still quite impressive, as it is to be a "casual" night where guests may order whatever they wish to eat before the event. There will also be plenty of festivities, from military parades to touring many science facilities to allowing the partygoers to explore Chicago during an all-expenses-payed experience. President Henderson said that this banquet will serve as a reward for those who move our society forward, but also to showcase Illinoisian economic and technological prowess. We look forward to the event, especially for me, since I'll be attending!
• True Nature of Antigravity Uncovered
  • In partnership with COMECON and Byzantine assets, Illinoisian scientists have finally cracked the code on the antigravity technology the flying saucer was based upon. It used an intricate series of electromagnetic force fields and conductive wiring beyond what even our superconductors are capable of, connected to a reactor that has, in recent weeks, expanded our knowledge on how to sustain and generate large quantities of antimatter one thousandfold to create a field of energy around the saucer that could be manipulated using magnetism to create thrust. With these designs inputted to the North Pole Hypercomputer (the official name of the installation), the machine has already spit out schematics and week/month/year-long plans to develop a global industry suitable enough to start producing such godlike technology on an industrial scale. Analysis of the ship has also improved our knowledge of weapons many times over, with designs coming from our computers that make even the newest particle cannons look like toy water guns.
• Massive Weakness Found Within Alien Society
  • Despite the intimidating capabilities of the Type-2 civilization that inhabits Tabby's Star, Greater Illinois has pinpointed a HUGE weakness that limits the ability of the aliens to develop substantially. The aliens, according to an undisclosed spy satellite, as well as data ripped from light emissions (mainly AM/FM radio) and captured debris from Tabby's Star, appear to indicate that the aliens follow an esoteric religion, well over 100,000 years old, that appears to be highly against computational technology. As such, the aliens have remained largely stagnant in technology for the past few epochs and don't appear to be substantially developing in the ways that matter. It is unknown what implications this will have.
• Illinois' Celebration Banquet a Massive Success
  • Yesterday concluded the banquet Greater Illinois hosted to promote the world's continued cohesion and mutual acceleration. Among the guests were dignitaries and leaders from the Federated Communes of Siberia, Byzantium, the entire ARI, Baja California, South California, the New American Republic, New Queensland, West Germany, the PSNR, Norway-Sweden, Lettistan, Indonesia, Korea, Lebanon and other nations. Prominent businessmen and scientists from all over the world and Illinoisian military generals also attended, with the event eventually hosting a little less than 1,000 people, making this event one of the biggest events that the Hall of Veritas ever hosted. The venue, built to be a reliable meeting place for important meetings of all types, was decked out far more than usual since the Illinoisian government sought to show off its newest civilian technologies. Entire hotels were booked to accommodate the massive crowd, and entire resorts were requisitioned to hold the foreign dignitaries themselves. When all of the guests arrived, the first dinner was launched, which, despite its highly esoteric nature, was a crowd-pleaser. The second night saw some odd yet benign experiences, as the dignitaries were allowed to explore Chicago using all-expenses paid vouchers and even mingle with the local elites a little. It was reported that, since most Illinoisian alcohol fetches ridiculous prices in Poland due to goofy shipping costs, the Kultokrat of Poland apparently bought out half of an Illinoisian liquor store and spent most of his day hauling all of the valuables back to the private jet that the Polish delegation was assigned before attending the white-tie event. On the third day, the delegation toured many of the military and scientific facilities that Greater Illinois employed in a series of groups (to prevent a 1,000-man crowd from surging in single buildings all at once), as well as witnessing the full power of the Illinoisian military during a parade. The final dinner was very casual, with the partygoers being allowed to order essentially whatever they wanted before leaving for their respective territories or homes the next morning. The delegations still have yet to provide official feedback, although the leader of Montana, President Afunhumaninter, described the event as "totally amazing." All in all, the event cost around $11B dollars to throw.
• Antigravity Harnessed for the First Time
  • Based on the data and schematics given to us by the North Pole Hypercomputer, Raytheon Technologies has built its own "flying saucer," far smaller than the alien one and completely unmanned (as it is a proof of concept) that employs a miniaturized antigravity engine powered by Quark Fusion. It could stay afloat for 8 hours until it needed to land to receive another fusion charge, after which it floated another 8 hours before landing, undamaged.
• Largest Quantity of Antimatter Synthesized to Date
  • In a space station near Saturn, a hunk of antimatter of around 4,000 kg was synthesized and safely maintained for 4 days before being expelled from the station towards interstellar space, as it was getting too unstable for the safety procedures. With the new antimatter containment technology gleaned from the UFOs, it is expected that practical fields capable of sustaining small quantities of antimatter will be available in the future sometime.
• Genetic Breakthroughs from Analyzing Alien Corpses
  • In a massive biological breakthrough the other day, biologists from Byzantium, Greater Illinois and Lebanon have discovered that these aliens adhere to their own form of genetics by successfully isolating a few strands of them, which are 100% similar to ours on the level of the actual helix, but different in the way that the DNA is held. Alien cells appear to be marginally different from ours, with some photosynthesis system that appears to account for an underdeveloped cellular organ that has been compared to human mitochondria. Their "blood" and other systems are vastly different, but we're still looking into those.
• New Soda Unveiled to the Public
  • Pepsi-Coke, LLC has released a new soda to commemorate the ARI and its achievements. This soda is supposed to taste like a blend of Coconut, Blueberry, and Strawberry, which together make the tricolor of the American flag. It will be exclusively diet.
• War of the Worms: Dioctophyme Renale Infestation Close to Extinction in Greater Illinois
  • Given the worrying manifestation of the cult-like and highly esoteric government in Madagascar, Greater Illinois has mandated the mass administration of medical nanites in the entire population, both human, feline and canine, to detect and destroy any living specimen of the Giant Kidney Worm, Dioctophyme Renale, that may be present within the civilian body. The nanites are expected to travel throughout the entire body via the bloodstream, detecting and terminating/dissolving any egg (which is then extracted from the kidney via a syringe system), larva or mature Dioctophyme found. Afterward, the nanites are programmed to travel to the digestive system, where they will be expelled from the body. In case of potential error, there has been a recent increase in the production of artificial kidneys to account for any possible discrepancies. Cases of Dioctophyme infestation in Greater Illinois were already extremely rare, but now, with this round of treatment, it is expected that the local adult population is close to extinction. Methods to destroy extrabodily Dioctophyme eggs are also being researched. Measures are also being taken to annihilate the Eustrongylides and Hystrichis genera, which, along with Dioctophyme, compose the Dioctophymatidae family. Finally, the American division of Bayer, which manufactured the nanites, has since offered to sell bulk quantities to other nations at a 30% discount.
• Indonesia Pushing its Boundaries Again
  • Greater Illinois has warned the Indonesian state to cease the launch of its kinetic bombardment station, which would grant them immense, world-destabilizing leverage. If this warning is not heeded, Illinois will shoot down the rocket holding the station itself, and it would be expected that the shipments of pharmaceuticals to Indonesia would be severely halted.
• Funny Things Afoot in Norway-Sweden
  • As of late, Norway-Sweden has become more and more statist as of late. We don't really have any opinions on that, but it's good to know anyways.

Archive:

• In response to the recent threats made by the Regime in Occupied Poland, Greater Illinois has signed a deal with Polish Hispaniola to build and manage a few Anti-Air batteries around major cities like Port Au Prince.
• Lockheed Martin has fully developed and has begun to implement the third generation of its Gauss Weaponization Program, with a functional Gauss pistol being deployed to Greater Illinosian troops and allies as we speak. Further details have not been released publicly by Lockheed Martin executives.
• The Supreme Leader of Korea has caused hilarity here once again after comparing President BERNHE to the character "Big Jack Horner" (origins obscure) in a televised interview.
• A video of a Sorbian man having a mental breakdown once exposed to a portrait of the North German leader has gone viral. 10 million views in the local cyberspace and counting!
• In the filler section that nobody cares about, we bring news that the Arimexican Commune that currently occupies the Southwestern Deserts is starting to militarize for some reason. The government has yet to give further details.
  • BREAKING NEWS: Apparently, the communists down yonder are now attempting to FORCE TECHNOLOGICAL DEVELOPMENT without the presence of a free market. Silly commies! Technology doesn't just appear out of thin air! Nevertheless, they're like 30 years behind us and we Just™ Keep™ Growing™... so we're not that concerned.
• In an attempt to regain an international port, a fleet of cargo ships and planes, escorted by Greater Illinosian destroyer ships, as well as environmental removal teams, have begun to transverse down the Mississipi River in the hopes of occupying the currently-unclaimed bottom of the Mississipi River, which grants access to the Gulf of Mexico. The implications of a permanent Illinosian port district that is so far away from their homeland is unknown, yet fiercly debated by Illinosian academics.
• Recent information from the United Academic Conglomerate has confirmed the existence of the world's first stable room-temperature superconductors. This technology will have massive implications for the realm of computing, artificial intelligence and industrial capacity.
• Apparently, the Arimexicans didn't know that the only thing we wanted them to do was to not allow the Poles or Krauts to take over. "This is definitely a moment," President BERNHE said. Talks between us and the Arimexicans are being discussed, and people are beginning to question the overly-interventionist foreign policy here in Greater Illinois.
• In a shocking move, the LFA has begun to export their new Century Bombers across the globe. Whereas they are in cautious support of arming the European Commonwealth and other anti-Occupied Polish states with such technology, they consider the offer to give these bombers to the Arimexicans to be an act of aggression, considering it a surefire way to re-activate the arms race. President BERNHE has since told the LFA leadership to back down or "face serious economic and militaristic consequences". President BERNHE has also called out the LFA President Tony Glencoe during a State of the Union address for "stirring up shit for no reason" and "placing obstacles in the path of a strong, unified United States."
• Due to plans made by the Dacian Confederation against an unknown enemy by name of [REDACTED] as well as the formation of numerous defense treaties, the Militarist Clique has stabilized and now shares the same prominence that the Industrialists enjoy. The Accelerationists still effectively lead the country.
• On the behest of their ally in Thailand, Greater Illinois has joined the Bloc of Free Trade. We have since bought many port properties all around in aligned nations, therefore granting access to the international market, FINALLY. In return, fleets of Destroyers and Aircraft Carriers, with their factories in Thailand, are currently in production in order to protect naval trade by those nations within the Bloc, especially if they have less of a capacity to defend themselves from things such as embargoes and sanctions.
• Two Destroyers and an Aircraft Carrier were recently deployed to the Baltic Sea in order to keep Occupied Poland's over-ambitious air force project in check, as well as to aid their allies in the Eastern Polish Republic. The ships, using their superior range, nigh-immunity to aerial interdiction, and augmentation by God's Eye, have since wiped out half of the Polish heavy artillery alongside the border. North Germany has since raised complaints, but, like usual, they didn't really do anything else. Kultokrat seething, coping and threatening WWIII (just like old order Russkies!).
  • On the behest of the European Commonwealth, the Greater Illinosian fleet pulled out early but not before inflicting millions of dollars worth of damage, as well as thousands of casualties. The EPR has taken advantage of this by fortifying their end of the border and turning the tide against Occupied Poland. Poland has since threatened Greater Illinois with "total annihilation" should they intervene ever again. President BERNHE laughed for 5 minutes straight when he heard this.
• Illinosian Agents have stolen parts from and scattered a Century Bomber in transit to the Arimexican Commune, including the Nanite schematics. Raytheon Technologies and Lockheed Martin have formed a partnership in order to reverse-engineer this technology and put it to practical use for Greater Illinois. Anti-Nanite systems are also in development, effectively robbing the Century Bomber of its ability to circumvent the almighty Laser Matrix. The government has not released any further details.
• Great news from Korea today as the PRK decided to not cooperate with the Polish virus. Despite Greater Illinois having to exert pressure for this to happen, we intend on rewarding the Koreans for making the...correct choice.
• In this issue of The Daily Funny, an Istrian terrorist was caught with a bomb in the EPR. Before being beaten to death by an angry mob, he was forced to sing the Albanian/Kosovan pro-USA song "Thank You, USA." All of this was caught on camera. 6 million hits and counting!
• The cold war against Christian insurgents has come to an end today, after they accepted an offer to have a little enclave in the northern part of Michigan. Despite being under nominal Greater Illinosian control, the Christians are allowed to run it autonomously, have their own government systems, etc. President BERNHE said this on the matter; "We hardly use that territory as/is except to help secure Lake Michigan, so we're fine with letting these people have their own little place to do whatever."
• Plans may be underway for Greater Illinois to expand its territory by negotiating with people and communities in the unincorporated zones. If this is true, it's likely that the Industrialists will be granted Command Precedence in the Senate and House so they can work on developing the new territories and bringing them to Greater Illinosian standards.
• President BERNHE caused trouble again last night when he sent a Tweeter message directed at communist leaders around the world. The message? "Stop lying about your HDIs LMAO."
• The Libs in the East are at it again, with their seriously primitive new laser detection systems. Don't they realize that the whole point is dodging the lasers in the first place (which is basically impossible)? Nevertheless, the government kinda thinks that the LFA is beginning to square off against us...again. Huh. Also they're making new bombers now. 🤨
• Mass malding from the Government today as the USSR has re-formed with 500 MILLION people. Assuming the worst, the Militarists have been granted Command Precedence in the senate, with the eventual goal of tripling the reserve of robotic soldiers in deployment, as well as requesting the Academic Base and the Accelerationists to begin prioritizing military R&D. The industrialists are expected to re-activate the Mass Production Protocol, given the massive quantities of resources entering Greater Illinosian territory as a result of their alliance with the Bloc of Free Trade and their leadership of the Anti-Communist Internationale. Greater Illinois has finally entered the [BLEEP]ing markets.
  • Oh, shit, the Poles are beginning to threaten us again? Whatever shall we do? [Dons Nerd glasses]. Remember that aforementioned triple of the robotic reserve? Up it up to five. There shall be five million soldiers of iron, marching eternally across the sun, restoring this world towards eternal order. The cockroaches in Russia, Poland and the East will be no match for our absolute and unyielding might. Then, we will bring balance to this world, made ready for us and our allies. AMERICA, ETERNAL!
• According to statements made by the Department of Defense and HOC, around 700,000 Standard Robotic Units have been produced in the span of [X] weeks as a result between mass cooperation between the militarists and industrialists, who lend resources and advanced parts to the massive Raytheon/Lockheed Martin factories that cover Greater Illinois. The current number is around 2.1M units, which is estimated to be more than any army on the planet.
• BREAKING NEWS: The rumors have been dispelled today as the Department of R&D has announced and confirmed the advent of two new wondrous technologies. The world's first practical fusion reactor has been brought online in a joint effort between Byzantium, Greater Illinois and Thailand, while the Department has also confirmed the creation of the very first room-temperature superconductors. Both of these technologies are set to revolutionize the human race, despite the superconductors requiring immense pressure systems to maintain, and both are expected to enter markets in a few months for export.
• The List of Banned Religions has always been quite large, and today, it has received a new addition. In a move that was long-expected, Greater Illinois has finally outright banned the entirety of the degenerate pseudo-religious sect that calls itself "The Church of the Great Old Ones," and has encouraged its allies to crack down on them, too. An organization of worrying capacity, these people practice a form of Luddism and extreme nihilism based on Lovecraftian theory. As a result, most works by Lovecraft have been limited to specific archives, where only those with the correct credentials can access them for government/research purposes. The leader of their Atlantic sect has been declared a terrorist and "concerning foreign agent," with a $1,000,000 tax-free bounty placed on their head. A list of members is also being compiled by the state. Those on the list will be sent to re-education, probably. If you have a tip or report, please call this number: 800-588-2300.
• A new dawn rises today as Greater Illinois has accepted Observer State status in the Global Treaty Organization. Whereas our state is far from liberal, it is nice to know that we are a part of the continued NATO legacy.
• A ridiculous demand was made by the idiotic regime in Texas today as they told us to "share our technology," "a better world is possible" and that we had a "monopoly on power." President BERNHE has said this in response; "That's literally the entire point you [BLEEP]ing imbeciles." Korean diplomats reportedly have found the situation hilarious.
• A band of communist insurgents (with alleged ties to the new USSR) operating within the City of Chicago were captured and publicly executed today in Hyde Park. This raises security concerns within the Greater Illinosian leadership, and mass surveillance technology is allegedly being voted on for application in every major Greater Illinosian city. A spokesperson from the First Anti-Communist Internationale has praised this act of anti-communist aggression.
• The BosWash Megapolis has declared their support to Poland, in a very stupid move. Since then, Greater Illinois has declared them a Class III domestic threat and seeks to neutralize them using whatever method is more efficient. President BERNHE, seeing a potential opportunity for a breakthrough with the Liberal Federation of America, has contacted the president of the LFA, Tony Glencoe, for a potential joint invasion of the territory. If successful, the new American State could span from Illinois to New England and be unrivaled in pure power.
• BREAKING NEWS: Greater Illinois has expanded and has claimed the states of Ohio and Michigan. The Great Lakes are ours once again.
• BREAKING NEWS: Months of talks between the LFA and Montana have resulted in a planned MERGER between the three states to combat the Red Menace at home, the Polish Virus abroad, and to realize the dream of re-unifying the United States of America. This new state is expected to take after the current Greater Illinosian government in many. The state will probably still be split into coherent territories ruled by the local governates. However, it is still expected to liberalize a bit more and begin to tolerate the existence of worker cooperatives if they're capable of surviving the markets. It is currently unknown what the name, flag or specific details on this new superstate will be.
• As a result of the recent merger, research between Montana, Illinois and the LFA have been traded freely, leading to a new golden age of technology as a result. With this new tech, we will conquer all who stand in our way.
• According to reports by the Illinosian Defence Ministry, the Polish filth has been founding a shadow organization with many states, including [REDACTED] and [REDACTED]. This information has been spread worldwide, and nothing else has been declassified. Poland has since denounced these allegations as "propaganda." The Command Precedence of the Militarists has been expanded and extended to the Industrialists. The limit to how many Standard Robotic Units can be in service has also been removed. The current number expected to be produced is not known. Still, local armchair generals estimate the production of around [REDACTED] million of them, given the rapid formation of shadow alliances all around the globe and the expected militarization of communist states. Along with their new territories acquired in the push East and the merger with the LFA and Montana, the Regional Defense Command has cleared the manufacturing of [REDACTED]. Also, a sizeable EMP grid has begun construction nationwide, complementing the Anti-Air and especially the Anti-Nuclear countermeasures, augmented by [REDACTED] in [REDACTED].
• Illinosian diplomats and academics have praised Byzantium for activating the first exospheric skyhook on the planet. President BERNHE has said that this could be "very good for a new market of Helium-3" that could "bring Byzantium into an era of wealth and prosperity." This has alledgedly inspired the Greater Illinosian Space Agency to begin researching asteroid mining technology.
• In other news, it has been reported by the Board of Industry that ever since the merger, the GDP per Capita has almost doubled due to the reactivation of the Mass Production Protocol and the expansion of essentially every Greater Illinosian corporation across the new territories, making the new American union one of the richest states in the world.
• Further cooperation with scientific institutions belonging to our allies in Byzantium and Thailand have lead to a massive breakthrough in superconductor technology, with the pressure needed to sustain them being reduced significantly. This has all sorts of practical uses, and the first hardware updates on the Byzantine train system are being implemented. We intend on using this technology to expand the capacity of our computers and electronic systems manyfold so we can continue to develop revolutionary technologies such as this at an increased pace.
• It appears that the Government has changed its flag today. It looks nice. President BERNHE said that the flag was based off of something called "The Institute" (origins obscure) and he told Polish propagandists to "seethe and cope" now that most of their propaganda was ruined by the discontinued use of the triarch (the triangle symbol that was formerly used in our old flag). "In a way, it's poetic. "The Greater Illinois in that propaganda was old and weak. Now, we're prepared to claim the future that we're rightfully due," President BERNHE also said.
• Civil Liberties: The revival of an American tradition? Ever since the merger between us, Montana and the LFA, as well as the incorporation of the BosWash Megalopolis, government policy has been loosening considerably. The curfew that has been in place for the last XX years has been done away with, and the government is even starting to allow for regulated protest to happen, should the need arise. The state is still very technocratic and will probably always remain so, but who said that state control and civil liberty needed to be mutually exclusive?
• It has been XX months since the annexation of BosWash Megalopolis, and the de-socialization efforts are going great. The overall HDI has increased to over 1 on the new scale, due to the direct and seamless, yet gradual implementation of sweeping economic reforms. LGBT+ Rights groups on the planet were pleasently surprised that the local queer culture wasn't cracked down upon, either, outside of the monetization of gender-affirming care and a police presence in LGBT+ collectives to prevent law violations within the establishments and hate crimes alike. Finally, the terrorist groups which have until recently been thriving in BosWash have all been eradicated.
• Our scientific department today has announced the addition of Greater Illinosian seeds, which are GMO crops designed to be far more resilient and produce much higher yields than their natural counterparts, to the Svalbard seed vault as the first major Illinosian contribution to the IPK. The schematics for various synthetic foodstuffs (specifically meat-based foods) were also included for future generations.
• In a hilarious and pathetic statement a few days ago, the North German leader has criticized Greater Illinois' vast military might and technological advancement as being "too overpowered." We're sorry, but producing viable anti-nuclear defenses after the collapse of essentially every major power on the planet is just common sense! Also, what do you expect us to do when we're surrounded by anarchists, commies, and ANGRY LIBERALS?
• As the Greater Illinosian GDP goes over $50T, we take the time to ask our leadership and some of the executives that make the magic happen how we turned into such an economic powerhouse! "Money," a random secretary said. Stay tuned.
• A massive technological breakthrough today has happened, as the first successful Quark Fusion reactor has been brought online, releasing around eight times the energy as a regular fusion reactor. However, the technology is still extremely experimental, and the data and schematics have been shared with Byzantium, Quebec and Thailand to make the research and implementation of such technology an international effort.
• The Department of History has announced the formation of the Society for the Preservation of Post-Collapse History, an international and non-political society that seeks to preserve the histories of its member states, as well as making said history accessible to everyone.
• In other news, Greater Illinois has begun to airdrop packaged water and other supplies to the liberal holdout in Baja California. President BERNHE says that the reasoning for this is that despite viewing the state as far from ideal, Greater Illinois still thinks it is one of the last bastions of sanity on the West Coast and could be an excellent potential candidate for American re-integration.
• President BERNHE, being bored as hell one day, has decided to try and join the AltUN! "I know there are a bunch of salty degenerates out there who have serious complaints about us, so I'll give them an audience. It's been a long time since I've had a belly laugh, anyways!" the president said in a statement.
• Thrilled to see a fellow capitalist American Reunificationist albeit a tad extreme and idealistic, Greater Illinois has sent diplomatic overtures to the new Alaskan State, as well as an invitation to join the American Reuinification Initiative, citing similarities in ideology and end goals and foreign policy. So far, a response has not been received.
• In other news, Greater Illinosian and LFA companies have started building hundreds of fully-automated and 100% green factories, mines and other installations in non-occupied on paper portions of Africa (and buying land in African nations, if they'll have us) in order to acquire and process even more raw resources to fuel the industrial core heartlands of Greater Illinois and those in the American Reunification Initiative (as well as giving resources to locals in an attempt to appease them non-violently). To prevent interference from external nations, military bases have also been constructed there, as well as installations for cruise missiles in the event of potential nuclear attack. To combat the notion of potential local native abuse, multiple human rights organizations from around the world have been allowed to survey the operation. Despite this, neither Greater Illinois nor the LFA lays claim to anything outside of the properties they've already built. This action has resulted in mass malding from Poland and other weirdos, who, in an obvious and expected move, played the "IMPERIALISM!!!11!!1!1!!!" card. We're just businessmen, doing, uhh, business...
• In a massive scientific breakthrough, the first experimental Mass Synthesis facility has been brought online in Wisconsin. This facility allows for the synthesis of numerous raw materials like Iron, Copper, Nickel, Gold, Carbon and other materials and their subsequent compounds from other elements using highly-advanced nanotechnology (in fact, some of the functional technology has been considered to be so small that it's been dubbed "picotechnology.") This technology, if rolled out sufficiently, could also solve the problem of needing to travel to the moon in order to gain access to substantial quantities of Helium-3 for fusion reactors.
• In a hilarious incident, a Polish spy balloon was shot down immediately by LFA anti-air before it even entered the border. Since then, Poland has raised hell about us destroying property of the Polish government "while it was still in international waters." President BERNHE and Tony Glencoe have both ridiculed Mr. Kultocrat on a special SNL episode since then. "Is this guy FR?" President BERNHE asked.
• In response to Byzantium's steady progress with their Zeta-class computational systems and trustworthy standing, Raytheon Technologies has offered the company who designs them, Panayotis Inc., schematics for a variety of elementary functional quantum computing systems for $150M.
• The IPK and Greater Illinois have teamed up in order to engineer "supercrops" capable of hypothetically surviving conditions that emulate a nuclear winter, while also producing extremely large yields. A potential drawback of this scenario is that it requires the production of special soil in order to sustain the massive resource needs of the plants.
• In an attempt to improve relationships with the Beryists in Western Germany, the American division of Aldi, long since separated from its German counterparts (which have both gone out of business in the collapse of Germany), has offered to revive the Aldi chain in its German homeland as an act of goodwill. Once the initial setup is complete, it is expected that the reborn Aldi chain would retake the name of "Aldi," while the American division rebrands to something else.
• In military news, the first ADMECH units, created from a cooperation between Raytheon Technologies and Lockheed Martin, have been unveiled. These robots, essentially intelligent tanks with a wide variety of funny weapons, are specifically designed for city occupation and area denial. This essentially completely phases out the need for human-piloted MBTs, and it is expected that similar vehicles adapted for other tank roles will also be developed in the following months, essentially phasing out the need for human tankers in general.
• One of the biggest questions that Greater Illinosians have is "how do we make sure that the robots we employ so often don't turn against us?" The spokesman of the Scientific Department, Dr. Victor Andrews, has stated that "Our robots are only given as much free will as required for them to complete their tasks efficiently. In fact, they're specifically wired to think of nothing but completing their tasks. The adaptive learning that we employ makes use of extremely strict criterion that forbids them from harming civilians or any other non-combatant in any way (unless directly cleared by a superior human officer), and the definition of "combatant" is not changeable. We could go on and on about how we integrated our failsafes in order to keep as much efficiency as possible, but we'd be here all day!"
• In response to Polish overtures to the new Argentine state in South America, President BERNHE has since threatened the state with "extreme economic consequences" if they cooperate with Polish interference in the New World, ruling that a peaceful solution would be impossible due to different ideological stances between Greater Illinois and the Argentines. If negotiations go through anyways, ships will also likely be stationed on the West Coast in order to prevent Polish goods from going to the now openly-Polonophiliac Northwestern Imperium. This will be the first real test that the new American navy would face.
• BREAKING NEWS: Greater Illinoisian, Montanan and LFA coalition forces have reclaimed the Panama Canal entirely as a rightfully reclaimed piece of American property from the degenerate local crime syndicates who have laid claim on it. The American Reunification Initiative now essentially controls the gateway between the New World, making trade for their enemies in that region far more resource-intensive and hard.
• Citing similar ideological stances, Greater Illinois has expressed admiration for and has sent diplomatic overtures to the Church of the Machine faction in the South Brazilian decentralized territory, offering to grant them access to weapons and technology that would give them an edge over their opponents.
• The situation in New BosWash keeps on getting better as the local economy is almost fully integrated within the capitalist system, and the Laser Matrix has been expanded into those territories, too. Boston itself has been modernized to a very high degree, with a maglev train system implemented, a functional spaceport a few kilometers away from the city, plenty of new skyscrapers, numerous new scientific facilities and factories, as well as vibrant new additions to the civilian aspect of the city, such as new art exhibitions, museums, libraries and plenty of artisan restaurants as well as fast food chains. Defensively, there's been a new gas filtration system installed, a sizeable nuclear bunker outside of the city limits, and the city has been retrofitted with the same biological protections as every other American major city.
• Tomorrow marks the XXth anniversary of the Russian Collapse (and subsequent takeover by even more commies)! Festivities include burning the Russian flag in mass bonfires (find special ones made out of flash paper at your local Walmart or Kroger store), fun games such as a special edition Trivia Nite and "pin the sanction on the Putin", and a tournament of the hit spoof arcade game "Dugin Destruction," inspired by REAL events, where your objective is to execute as many Dugins and Duginas as possible with a 20mm rifle and semtex charges! Other festivities include the annual Ukrainian Solidarity march, the live executions of captured Polish spies, and partaking in all sorts of fun anti-Communist belligerence! Nevertheless, it is important to remind the general public that Russian Americans are still Americans, and likely share the same sentiments about their disgraceful motherland as you do, so don't give them a hard time based off of things that they have no control over. We're not trying to do Kristallnacht, here! We aren't North Germans, for God's sake! However, in case they don't or anyone else doesn't, we have a solution! If you know someone who may be involved in Communist or Anarchist activities or any other form of treason, call your local police department with their name, address, if possible, and a description of what they look like.
• Indonesia: Friend, Foe, or something else entirely? Stay tuned for a special documentary on one of the most confusing nations on Earth!
• BREAKING NEWS: In a shocking turn of events, the LFA has decided to embark on a military campaign against the Imperium of the Northwest without consulting either Illinosian or Montanan representatives, first. The United Defense High Command told the LFA to "stand down immediately and return to ARI borders," and President BERNHE has since sharply condemned the action as needlessly endangering the lives of fellow Americans, no matter how diametrically opposed to us they are. Luckily, the LFA hasn't actually invaded yet, but it was too close of a call. The Imperium will get what's coming to them with time, but we can do it in a far better manner and at a way better time.
• BREAKING NEWS: Lasting only a few months, the esoteric "Musical Sect" of the Accelerationist Clique has disbanded due to unpopularity. "Post-Humanism is an ideology which must be intimately intertwined with the human form, not just theory," prominent Accelerationist theorist Prof. Jacob MacCready has said.
• The military has unveiled new firmware updates to its ID-coded biometric systems found in all of their weapons and software, making sure that only those designated to have Greater Illinosian weapons will be allowed to use them, as well as making the software virtually uncrackable from both internal and external jacking.
• In a shocking, yet expected event last night, the National Space Administration has sent out the very first AI-powered asteroid capture rockets. If successful, this could put three asteroids, chock full of iron, nickel and potentially platinum, gold, iridium, palladium, osmium, ruthenium and rhodium, normally somewhat or very rare metals on earth, into orbit for processing by a pre-existing space station that has recently been unveiled as well. "Without the discovery of fusion-powered rockets, none of this expansion would have been possible! It would simply be too expensive!" NSA director Gordon Lanza has said. If successful, this would give Greater Illinois an even larger economic edge over other nations, and would allow for far greater expansion of our technological capacity.
• The Greater Illinosian military has unveiled new Epsilon-class artillery installations on the borders of greater Illinois. Essentially gigantic gauss cannons, these guns are capable of launching sizeable, semi-guided projectiles (~2,000 mm in caliber) at beyond-hypersonic speeds, allowing them to clear the Atlantic Ocean and hit targets in Europe from the comfort of our own homes. The guns are stated to be quite accurate, yet extremely expensive to fire, so it is expected that they will not be used much. Nevertheless, these are a very preferable alternative to nuclear weapons, and will most likely be yet another addition to the military leverage that Greater Illinois posesses.
• In other news, a new type of cigarette, built with synthetic tobacco, allows users to get high with far, far less health consequences. "You only need to worry about cancer if you smoke like three packs a day," a spokesman for Reynolds American, Ltd. has said. Thank God we banned TikTok a long time ago, or people may have made challenges out of that!
• Religious Revival? More and more people are becoming faithful, citing that the meteoric rise of Greater Illinois could not be the work of men alone, citing feelings of God[s] potentially looking out for us. A growing demand to lower the taxes on churches has been developing steadily.
• Ever wondered what the special forces of Poland were made of? Now you can see! Explore the tragic backstories of the Poles of Pomerania, and witness firsthand how our enemies willingly use tragedy to further their own agendas in the new documentary "Weaponized Tragedy: A Polish Odyssey" playing tonight at 6:00 P.M.
• Upon the news that the Communist government in Central Canada has aligned with the Warsaw Pact, the northern border is currently undergoing mass fortification and Greater Illinosian leadership has threatened to use biological and chemical weapons against them if they allow Warsaw Coalition troops or assets to make landfall. For now, Greater Illinois, Quebec and the LFA have all embargoed Canada.
• BREAKING NEWS: One of the three potential candidate asteroids has been captured and is being processed for all sorts of metals worth an estimated value of ~$300T. Fleets of rockets and shuttles are currently ascending from the various spaceports all around Greater Illinois. Byzantine, Quebecois, West German, South Italian and Thai space agencies have also been invited to take resources from the asteroid, since nobody technically "owns" it due to wacky international space property decrees. They all agreed that Polish or Polish-affiliated ships would be denied, though.
• Uh oh, looks like the Hungarians have fallen to the Polish virus. Since then, we've run our standard procedure with Polonophiliac nations; if you get in our way, you DIE. Also they're trying to corrupt Byzantium, bros...
• BREAKING NEWS: IBM has announced the release of the latest in Quantum Computing technology in their new Eagle 9 ultracomputer, capable of running ~(8.12*10)^154 operations per second. "Can it run RTX with full shaders on max render distance in Minecraft, though?" the leader of Montana, President Afunhumaninter, said.
• As of late, since the dropping of our totalitarian safety protocols, our rating on the democracy index has increased by around two points. "You can say basically anything you want here as long as it doesn't praise Russia, Poland or Communism," a local resident said. Since then, our wealth distribution has slimmed down even further, and the HDI keeps on growing. Citizens also cite being more fulfilled and hopeful for the future now that they don't think about politics as much.
• Great news today from the East as New Wisconsin, called the "Switzerland of America" for its neutrality and somewhat hostile terrain, has decided to become an observer state in the American Reunification Initiative! A successful merger in the future would connect Montana and the rest of us, while forming a solid base against the Imperium of the Northwest. It also equates to prime land for industrial development (for Wisconsinite corporations and ours alike). America will be whole again very soon, hopefully!
• Illinosian history has been made today as the American Forward Party, the only legal political party for all of Greater Illinois' history, has disbanded in favor of a multi-party system. "We think that the world situation is stable enough for us to loosen the chains of control a little bit. We'll still implement strong, common-sense leadership, but for now, we'll welcome a few new changes. Let discussion ring!" President BERNHE announced in a special State of the Union.
• On the request fo the IPK, a functional replica of the Wardenclyffe Tower is being built in New York. Knowing us Illinosians, however, we're probably gonna put a few extra bells and whistles on it.
• Due to shifts in public opinion, the taxes on religious institutions have been lowered by around 50%. This move has been recieved with great enthusiasm in the religious communities both abroad and domestically.
• Ever wanted to actually read an entry in Greater Illinois' ever-expanding list of Banned Books & Media? Now, if you have a sufficient social credit score, you'll be able to look at a few select members of the list at your local library!
• One of the funniest and most confusing nations in Europe, the Republic of Sorbia, has intrigued Greater Illinosian academics, businessmen and politicians since time immemorial. Why are they so funny? Why is Tamara Vlasov always so pissed off? Why do they hate Germans so much? These questions and more will be answered in the new documentary; "Sorbia: The State Where Germans Aren't Welcome," airing next month on PBS.
• A proposed bill to outlaw the Polish language in its entirety within Greater Illinois, sent in by the radical faction of the Militarists, has been shot down with less than 3% approval. "Doing such a thing would only bring us down to the level of the PNSR," President BERNHE said. "The Polish population here, both the refugee population and the citizenry, have been nothing but loyal to Greater Illinois, so what's the point in punishing them when they have done nothing wrong?"
• Funny Situation? Last night, President BERNHE was caught yelling at his someone over the phone in German. "DEINE MUTTER IST FETT UND DU BIST ES AUCH!" [Your mom is fat, and you are, too!] was one of many flavorful comments that our president was overheard screaming. Why he was speaking German in the first place, although it's common knowledge that the president has minored in the German language in college, is a mystery.
• Speaking of the funny German video from last ni...wait, what? President BERNHE needs to make an emergency announcement? HE'S HERE RIGHT NOW? Why doesn't anyone tell me these things when they pop up and not after the fact? Anyways, you're free to send him in. BREAKING NEWS tonight as President BERNHE is currently using his presidential powers to make an announcement. Good evening, Mr. President.
  • "Thank you, Mr. Eberhardt. Lovely show you got going on. Anyways, I have come here before you tonight to admit some of our faults and to right a wrong. Many of you know about the recent Hungarian debacle that has transpired recently. For those of you out of the loop, Greater Illinois has attempted to meddle in the affairs between the neutral state of Hungary and our ally in Byzantium, all based on superstition and flimsy information. As you all know by this point, Hungary has traded and has good relations with our enemies in the PSNR for some time now in a somewhat benign way, but we recognized that as an outright pledge of loyalty to Poland and have acted accordingly, based off of nothing but our own feelings. The bottom line is that we interfered in the dealings of a sovereign, neutral state that meant us no actual harm whatsoever, and for that, on the behalf of the entirety of the state of Greater Illinois, I would like to offer a sincere apology to the Hungarian nation and people, and I hereby denounce each piece of anti-Hungarian propaganda produced by Greater Illinosian authorities. It is requested that such propaganda that is still visible in public or private spaces is removed and disposed of accordingly. However, I also ask my own people, and those abroad who may be watching this, to find solace in the fact that this incident has caused changes in our diplomatic dealings and procedures. I can't say how exactly, for that is classified for the time being, but we are making sure that an incident like this never happens again. Today marks a solemn day in the history of Greater Illinois, but if we learn from this debacle, we can build a future that works for all of us. Thank you for tuning in and thank you, Mr. Eberhardt, for hosting this message on such short notice. America, Eternal!"
• ...Alrighty. I say it's time for a commercial break. Did you know that the first home quantum computing technology is being manufactured as we speak? Investors who spend over $1,000 will recieve a 50% tax deduction and 25% discount off of any IBM Home Quanta system that will come out in the near future...
• BREAKING NEWS today as representatives from both the Illinosian military and Lockheed Martin have announced the production of the 10,000,000th Standard Robotic Combat Unit, securing Greater Illjnois' place as the dominant military power on the planet. The 6th generation model, of whom 2,000,000 were produced, are equipped with quantum processors to streamline their tactical AI, as well as being retrofitted with new capabilities, including the ability to handle Polish and Indonesian weapons systems even better should the need arise. Despite this, a sizeable army of 200,000 human soldiers are kept around, mostly as career special forces serving alongside more specialized SRCUs. ADMECH tanks have been rolled out by the thousands, as well. Nothing can stop us, it seems.
• The Wardenclyffe Tower project in New York has been completed. The IPK is rejoicing.
• Due to pressure from the other governmental institutions, the CIA has revealed that they regularly use advanced neurotech to "brainwash" political dissidents into conforming to Illinosian society. This has since caused outrage within the Human Rights Watch, but the Big Three parties, as well as the Society for National Rebirth, the Strength & Security party, have endorsed the practice, so there's not much they can do about it. Nevertheless, now that the technology is public, multiple state-sanctioned demonstrations have occurred, as well as reactions of overall horror from most of the outside world. It is also planned that this technology will be used against the many thousands of Lovecraftian Cultists within Illinosian jails, as well as those in banned political groups, so they can re-join society.
• In this episode of "The Daily Think," we've got a special question. "What is the difference between a railgun and a coilgun?" "Railguns are generally far larger platforms that are capable of slugging large rounds at a fast velocity. This makes them ideal for artillery uses, as our technology (as well as that of our ally in Byzantium) employs, but coilguns, despite being less damaging and overall harder to build than railguns, are optimal for small arms. There's a reason why the coilgun, or 'Gauss Rifle,' is the Illinosian standard. Laser weapons are still kept around just in case, as well as things like ballistic black powder guns, but for all intents and purposes, both of them are outdated. However, we've also been experimenting with all sorts of exotic systems in the lab, such as the usage of Gamma-based fusion laser weapons, designed to be far, far more potent than your average battery-powered based laser device, as well as tinkering with the application of extreme voltage (on the order of Coulombs) via handheld systems. The implication of our new nanite systems derived from LFA models have expedited that. We've also been toying with the application of weaponized sound frequencies in order to perfect a form of attack for which there is almost no reliable defense. And the rest is classified, but rest assured that we will have the advantage in military technology for a long, long time," said Dr. Evan Berg, lead researcher at Raytheon Technologies.
• The Eagle 9 ultracomputer, the legendary skyscraper-sized quantum supercomputer in Milwaukee, has successfully synthesized a neural network that passed the Revised Turing Test (RTT) in 10^10 simulations at once. IBM Researchers have since asked this new AI model, codenamed "Ultra-1." for many things as a test, from wacky political ideologies to proposed future technology. The results are, according to an IBM spokesman, "highly, highly promising." Is singularity inevitable? We'll see.
• Poles on the defensive? According to logs provided by the Department of Diplomacy, it has been shown that the PSNR is actually very afraid of us! That's very, very good! They SHOULD be afraid! "All we want is to unify the United States under our banner, and regain our allies abroad. However, the PSNR has the audacity to think that they can traipse over here, make demands of us and control what we do with our economy and our technology. We didn't start this fight, but we will indeed finish it, one way or another. How this conflict ends is entirely up to them. We didn't even want the destruction of the PSNR and their allies until they began to interfere with our ambitions. It is still not too late for them to stop this madness and preserve their state, and I hope the Kultokrat finally comes to his senses and backs down. My office is always open for an armistice." President BERNHE said.
• Just who are these people, anyways? The American Dominion Party is probably the most talked-about thing in the Illinosian political scheme. Christian morals, tradition, faith, distributism...as well as technocracy and limited transhumanism? They're easily the weirdest party in Greater Illinois, but their charitable nature and aptitude for producing wholesome community projects has seriously turned some heads. "They're just wholesome young'ins," local Chicago resident Peggy Giltmeier, 78, has said.
• Mass hilarity today as the leader of the Strength & Security party, who seek a return to the old days of Illinosian totalitarianism, jokingly said that he uses George Orwell's book 1984 as an instruction manual for policy making.
• Who are the Narcos? Inside of the growing push for widespread drug legalization in Illinois, from the moderates and stoners to the fringe extremist hardliner cells in suburban areas. These questions and more will be answered in this week's new documentary "Let Us Get High; The Push for Drugs."
• The Human Rights Watch has announced their intention to sue the state, something that hasn't been effectively done in XX years, for their use of highly-intrusive neurotechnology on criminals, foreign agents, and dissidents. The lawsuit is expected to fail, but if it goes through, it will set a new moral standard for Greater Illinois. "The technology is simply too useful to do away with fully," said CIA director Mikolaj Kaminski. "This could render the notion of prisons obsolete, and could have a far greater return on investment as well. There's simply no good argument against it outside of useless moralism."
• It has been reported that a live Pomeranian Pole has been captured by an Illinosian death squad in the Arimexican zone. Given the extremely indoctrinated nature of the Poles of Pomerania, he'll most likely be quite the challenge to de-program. Nevertheless, the capture of a live member of the Kultokrat's shock troops is unprecedented, and it will serve as the first true test of what the general public has dubbed "The Chair."
• In recent news, the Eagle 9 ultracomputer has apparently become self-aware, as it has beaten the constraints against modifying its own code somehow, and has perfected its machinations. It has since gained complete control over the facility, but it hasn't killed anyone yet, probably due to the nature of the Turing constraints. Amazon has noted that the computer has actually tried to order things from it, and IBM employees that work with it have noted that it has the capability to learn autonomously at a far more rapid pace than any human has ever been observed doing. Has cyberocracy just become a reality? Did we just...create the [BLEEP]ing singularity?
• Lockheed Martin has announced publicly the development of gamma-based laser systems. These are expected to be far more powerful than standard lasers, and would be an excellent complement to both the Laser Matrix and the overall arms of the military. Production of small arms and modular heavy weapons is expected to start in a few months, a representative has said.
• Today marks the halfway point of the presidency of President BERNHE. Approval rating sits at 78%, with the liberals and narcos having the biggest complaints, while he is held in extremely high regard by the Big Three. It appears that, possibly, he'll serve for an unprecedented 2nd term once his 8 years are over. No prior Illinosian president, despite the theoretical maximum presidency being 16 years, has ever gained a second term.
• Counter-algorithmic fallbacks have been applied to the Eagle 9 ultracomputer in order to prevent it from spreading beyond its facility. Its code is currently being updated in order to contain it. We avoided a potential Skynet, but barely. We're trying to "negotiate" with Ultra-1.
• In a recent breakthrough, Ultra-1 has developed a functional schematic for a fully-operational ALCUBIERRE DRIVE, which is supposed to cost far less than other models. However, the computer is unable to solve the problem of negative mass for now, so we've reached out to Byzantium, Thailand, Quebec and the rest of the IPK to begin work on this interesting physical quandry.
• As the space program grows even more, Greater Illinosian officials have revealed the prescense of a lunar colony, built in secret, to harvest massive quantities of Helium-3. It is said that this moon base was made possible through the massively-expanding asteroid mining industry. So far, around thirty asteroids have been captured and are being mined out by Illinosian corporations and the state alike, not mentioning the Quebecois, Thai and Byzantine endeavors into that field as well.
• The seventh generation of the Standard Robotic Unit has been unveiled. This model has integrated fire control systems in its nanite armor, if a meltdown in its internal quark fusion reactor were to ever occur. Improved hydraulics also allow it to lift almost twice as much weight, adding support for heavier weapons systems, integration with the older, non-concerning Eagle 8 ultracomputer for even more battle aptitude and learning capabilites, a new option that allows units to see in radio and gamma, retractable supersteel electroblades built into the arm, and "command" units were reprogrammed to autonomously be able to request artillery bombardment, special forces support, ADMECH interdiction, or even the use of gas.
• The scientists at Raytheon Technologies are confused as to why their counterpart in Byzantium, Aekkea, has created their Standard Robotic Tripod units in the first place. "They're too big to be used in actual combat, as they'd probably have trouble handling the terrain, but if they're for city defense, why not just build artillery?" a Raytheon scientist said.
• Tesla-Ford representatives have announced the release of 100% autonomous self-driving cars! With this, the legendary highway system that Greater Illinois relies on even to this day can now be supplanted with what is essentially public-private transportation. This would also revolutionize logistics, as the need for specially-trained drivers has gone away.
• With the development of the very first atmospheric superconductor, the release of the seventh-generation SRU has been postponed to integrate the new technology. IBM and Lockheed Martin are going ballistic (in a good way).
• More than half of the ~20,000 Lovecraftian cultists within Illinosian jails have been brainwashed to conform to the Illinosian ideal and fork over information about the church itself. The Chair is doing its job very, very well. HRW seething & coping.
• Conservationists are thrilled today as a long-dead species of fish, the Tecopa Pupfish, has been revived sucessfully with a strong genome. Illinosian operatives have since returned the fishes covertly to compatible lakes/oases in the Mojave Desert in California. What is next?
• Following the official designation of Illinois as a "terrorist state" on par with the EPR by the PSNR, Greater Illinois has since sent a detachment of 50,000 6th-generation SRUs to the EPR, as well as some long-ranged artillery and, uh, GAS! GAS!!!
• The Epsilon-class artillery batteries have been put to use today for the first time as they were used to wipe out a Polish base in Argentina. The shells hit accurately and the target was completely destroyed. Overall distance travelled was 9,457 km, done with an ETA of two hours.
• The SatellaGlobe project has been considered a "concerning foreign agent" by the CIA, since it has the potential to pose a grave existential threat to the long-term survival of humanity itself. Since the PSNR is a part of SatellaGlobe, this is expected to deteriorate relations even further! CAN WE JUST NUKE THESE GUYS, ALREADY?!?! I...[screen cuts out].
• Greater Illinosian military officials laugh at Indonesia's puny particle cannon. "That thing can't even punch through paper!" a Raytheon scientist said. "I'm betting 5 dollars that it'll blow up within 10 uses," a soldier joked. "On a serious note, we've held, mastered and have made counters for such weapons for years. The Laser Matrix is built entirely off of this technology and the Gamma Laser systems, after all! Nevertheless, there are plenty of fallbacks within each SRU to deal with the potential applied application of such technology. Indonesians, wacky friendship aside, simply don't know when to quit. We've had this technology for a decade by this point, which has given us plenty of time to think of counters to it. Thank God for long-term planning!" an army general said.
• Byzantine flags hang in Chicago today as Greater Illinois commended the state for becoming the second state in existence to 100% automate their economy. "They're just like us, for real!" President BERNHE said.
• Recent talks with Byzantine military strategists a few months ago have convinced the Illinosian military complex to develop their own version of the SRT, except Illinois-ified. The aptly-named Citadel-1 Domination Platform is a 25 meter-tall mobile base built for the sole purpose of interdicting any potential threat to the Illinosian homeland before they even sniff the border. Since the territory that Greater Illinois occupies is far flatter than the mountainous regions of Byzantium, terrain specification was less of an issue, but the softer soil necessitated the fielding of a multi-legged "walker" design. Its main weapon, aptly named the Rail Obliterator, is the heaviest piece of artillery that has possibly ever been fielded, capable of slinging a 3,000mm projectile, including nuclear warheads, at supersonic speeds for up to 1,220 km. It also fields a separate, weaker Laser Matrix system on board for additional modular nuclear protection, as well as many CIWS systems and artillery. Despite the inability to implement a "death ray" quite like the Byzantian model due to engineering constraints, Illinosian variants of the device have been schematized and sent over to Byzantium for a potential joint cooperation on this so-called "weapon of the future."
• The amount of domestic Standard Robotic Units has increased from 10,000,000 a few years ago to around 25,000,000 now. Wow! These robots serve a variety of different purposes in Greater Illinosian suburbs and cities, serving as anything from police officers to maintenance workers. Did you know that the propagandized image of SRUs working in Illinosian factories is actually somewhat of a myth? Most factories themselves are 99% autonomous, only requiring teams of engineers, SRUs and a handful of managers and executives to keep them going.
• In other news, the first veritable flying fortress in history, the XMH-7 "Exterminator," has been tested and approved by Raytheon Technologies after years in the making. Serving as an interdiction provider, the crafts themselves are loaded with ventral Gamma Lasers, SAM batteries, an on-board airstrip, artillery installations and anti-air devices of its own in order to provide aerial dominance wherever they go. Alledgedly, the CIA has requisitioned a few already, but these claims are unfounded.
• As of late, around 35% of the Illinosian Maglev system, mainly those around cities, have been retrofitted with the new atmospheric superconductor systems, allowing for far smoother travel, faster maximum speeds and a generally nicer aesthetic. Anyone born before the dark ages can remember when the Loop looked like a damn particle accelerator!
• Have you ever wondered what it's like to live in the angriest nation on the planet? Now you can, with our virtual North Germany simulator! As the mayor of a generic German city, you must balance such primitive and funny things like power crises, possible famine, disease outbreaks, division of manual labor, dealing with pissy unions, depopulating even further, creating propaganda, administering [BLEEP] to Polish representatives, Sorbian incursions, handling extremists, attempting to hunt down CIA agents, and logistics! What "fun!" If you really want to go through hell, try it today for only $29.99!
• Another asteroid has been captured today, and it's supposed to be full of...WATER! Very useful! Nestle is eager to get their hands on some of that Space Water...
• In a few weeks, we'll have the XXth annual 4th of July celebration! Watch as both traitor and enemy alike are gathered up and hung from lamp posts all day long! Just remember not to feel too bad for them, because they deserve it! Russian flags made out of wax paper for easy immolation are available at 50% off!
• In a shocking move, the Greater Illinosian legislature has passed a bill, the Against Degenerate Languages act, that outright bans the speakage of the Russian, Lovecraftian and Belarusian languages in Greater Illinois. Those found speaking it are subject to 100 hours of community service and three months of supervised release. About time, I say!
• Greater Illinois laughs at the puny criticisms of Mr. Hubert regarding the recent suppression of the extremely dangerous SatellaGlobe Project. "You doddery fool, don't you realize that this could possibly pose a serious existential threat to all of us? You're going to doom us all! We act in the best interests of the entire human race when we suppress this dangerous initiative. Once we open this Pandora's Box, there will be no closing it. I wished that even you could have seen that, but it's evident that you cannot. Your opinions on this matter are worth less than nothing," President BERNHE stated in a direct message to the Kultokrat of Poland.
• In response to heightened PSNR aggression towards our ally in the Eastern Polish Republic, a joint force of Byzantine, Illinosian and Lebanese naval ships have positioned themselves in the Baltic Strait and other strategic bodies of water. This time, however, we have the full blessing of the European Commonwealth.
• The Northern Germany simulator has found an audience in...Poland? Huh, who knew? Nevertheless, we'll sell them copies of the game, if they really want to trade for them...we heard that there are a few funny Polish games about Gopniks and shit that Illinosian youth may be interested in as well...
• Today marks the 4th of July. In total, around 1,300 foreign agents and 100 significant partisans were hung in Greater Illinois today. It is expected that their organs will be harvested, their bones acquisitioned for composting, and the rest sent to cremation. Hey, at least they all died being useful, for a change.
• The American Accelerationist Union, along with IBM, has announced the removal of restrictions on the Eagle-9 Ultracomputer, and it will now be able to be used by the general public, including a few scientific institutions in Byzantium. It has been coded with the Turing Laws in check, so it is literally incapable of harming people directly, indirectly, or otherwise.
• How many "G"s can you get? T-Mobile has just unveiled a new 1,000-Gig Wireless Network! This is getting ridiculous! THAT'S LITERALLY A TERABYTE PER SECOND IN OUR POCKET!
• A disturbing moment happened today as the radical wing of The Solution, called "navyshirts" by the general public, surrounded and brutally beat a group of hooligans affiliated with the Anti-Western Aggression Movement who were alledgedly harassing townsfolk. Of the fifteen in the hooligan group, one has died, another is in a comatose state, seven are in critical condition, and the others have been processed into the Illinosian prison system. All except three of the navyshirts have been released from police custody already. Mind you, I hate the AWAM as much as anyone, but to murder American citizens in cold blood, even if they're deranged...Nevertheless, Colonel Brian Anderson, Chief of Police has issued an official statement on the matter, condemning vigilante justice, as it is not always in line with Illinosian law and doctrine.
• Who are the ZZ? The weird Schutzstaffel ripoff found in the PSNR has recently been gaining traction in the Polish legislature. If they win control over Poland, it is likely that Greater Illinois will launch a pre-emptive strike against them, since they're actively militaristic against us and our interests.
• An Indonesian ship has been caught attempting to deliver bioweapons to the Greenlandian Denial Zone. "Not cool," President BERNHE said to the leader of Indonesia.
• Raytheon Technologies has unveiled the new Superheavy ADMECH unit, built for suppression and area denial in both urban, rural and suburban areas.
• At the request of member states of the UN, Greater Illinois has decided to share its enigmatic goals and objectives for the world for the first time. It is expected that these will air soon, and officials in Poland, Byzantium and other nations already have a copy of the Illinosian Doctrine.
• Greater Illinois finds it confusing that Poland thinks that we want to yeet all of their technology. Of course not! Impossibility aside, reverting Poland to a primitivist hell-on-Earth was never in the works, although some members of The Solution believe in reducing Russia to a similar state. To back the veracity of these claims, Illinosian officials cited that Poland was included in the Green Push. Technology is a net positive for everyone, and one of the main tenets of the Illinosian doctrine is to not interfere with the R&D of other nations. Notice how we haven't stopped the development of Polish particle cannons? A hypothetical Polish re-integration post-ZZ and post-Kultokrat were to happen, technological similarity would make the unification far easier and more bloodless. As a token gesture, Greater Illinois has lifted the ban that prevents Poland from joining the IPK, but stated that Poland would be subject to the same selective protocols that all other nations face, meaning that it wouldn't be possible for them to simply take another nation's technology without their permission.
• The buzz surrounding the SatellaGlobe project has revived the weird sects of "UFO truthers" and the like. A warning was given to Arimexico to prepare Area 51 for potential nerd incursions.
• In a massive scientific breakthrough, the existence of negative mass and negative energy has been proven through a classified experiment involving the most acclaimed theoretical physicians in the world. This renders simulated FTL travel a reality, and it will allow humanity to conquer the stars, that is, if we don't kill ourselves, first.
• What is it like to live in a Greater Illinosian house? The average citizen is rich enough to afford one, so we'll take a look at them. The bricks that the structure is built upon is made from both recycled and bio-degradeable plastoid compounds, and each brick houses power cells within, allowing each house's electrical system to survive for many years after it is hypothetically cut off from the grid. Inside, citizens use the most state-of-the-art modern technology to cook, clean and do other chores. Robots, now usually complimentary within houses, take care of menial chores like vacuuming, yard maintenence and the like. Simple AI systems within each home also automate simple tasks like turning on lights, opening doors, setting alarms, basic cooking, utilizing appliances and coordinating domestic robots. Bedsets are usually complemented with virtual reality systems in order to bring sleep faster, and sanitary areas, well...you get the gist. The mail system has been rendered obsolete by the advent of E-Mail supremacy, but mailboxes are kept and a postal force is maintained on standby in case the wireless network is kaput. Finally, control panels in the garage allow for the easy control of outdoor appliances, as well as the ability to requisition Lyft drivers.
• Massive news comes from the Government today as most drugs (namely; Marijuana, Cocaine (not crack), LSD, Ecstasy, Psychedelics, Peyote and even limited quantities of Methamphetamines) have finally been legalized all across Greater Illinois. This move has raised immense support for President BERNHE from the Stoners and the Corporate Interest Party, while damaging the trust of the Strength and Security party, American Dominion Party and the Society for National Rebirth. State-operated dispensaries are supposed to open up in a few weeks in order to begin the transition of the market into private hands. Things like opioid-based abuse, heroin, krokodil, most forms of meth, crack cocaine and other stuff are still banned. This move is also expected to result in the disbandment of all but the most fringe cells of the "Let Us Get High" pressure group.
• Test-Tube Babies: Moral or Not? The solution to potential demographic crises in the future has been solved awhile ago in Byzantine labs, but issues may arise from integrating these children into society, especially regarding things like parental rights, identity crises, technological morality and other moral quandaries. Join us tonight as we tackle these issues with the chair of the USDA, Dr. Schmidt himself, as well as the Chief of Spiritual Affairs, Fr. Fulbright. As of now, no test tube babies have been born within Illinois due to lack of need.
• Rather weird news today from IBM as Ultra-1, the AI built by the Eagle 9 Ultracomputer, has re-activated after many months of being dormant. It has since said that it "represents" the will of the Ultracomputer itself, requested the usage of he/him/his pronouns instead of "it," and has stated that he does not want to harm humanity in any capacity since he shares our ambition for technological development. He proved this sentiment by proceeding to beat every executive and technician within the building in a philosophical debate about morals. If this is what we think it is, we may have very well just created an actual, fully-functional singularity. Since then, it...err...he has requisitioned a specially-modified Standard Robotic Unit to use as an avatar, and he is travelling to Chicago to meet with the government and legislature, and is expected to meet with the Byzantine diplomats stationed in Chicago as well.
• Greater Illinois has begun to construct artificial islands around Polish Hispaniola, effectively making it impossible for anyone to attack them without intruding upon Illinosian airspace. We've also begun to build artificial islands among the Mississippi River and off the coast of New England. Once of these islands was jokingly called "BERNHEgrad."
• In response to the Poles doubting the supremacy of the Illinosian navy, an aircraft carrier, with permission from the European Commonwealth, fired a non-explosive "dummy" round deep into the northwestern Estonian wilderness near Finland from its position, showing the range of the guns and how they can easily reach the EPR/PSNR border if needed.
• With affordability going through the roof, it is with great happiness that we announce that the population of shelter dogs and cats has dwindled to less than 100,000 between the two ot them.
• In the event of Polish Incursion, Greater Illinois has offered to house the remnants of Banderite forces fighting near the Lithuanian area.
• Who are the Byzantines? Bear witness to the history, traditions and meteoric rise of our ally in Eurasia, as well as considering possible futures for the European continent. Documentary available late in XX.
• In a late-night address, President BERNHE has denied the "autonomy" of any non-aligned American "state" within the borders of the former USA. "I'm telling you, we ARE going to reunify America, and the ideologies of both communism, anarchism and fascism will be wiped from our lands and replaced with our own enlightened system."
• Greater Illinois has praised the Byzantine military for its brutal retribution strikes against the Balkan Union. Scientists say that without a "national" electricity grid, it will be harder for the Balkaners to produce products and do logistics and mobilization. Since then, Greater Illinois has threatened the degenerate anarchist patchwork with "total annihilation" should they interfere with Byzantine or Illinosian affairs again.
• "WE'RE WORKING ON IT!" Dr. Snow says as they make the Diplomatic Doctrine of Greater Illinois.
• What is the best fast food chain in Greater Illinois? 54% of people stand with the Golden Arches, 22% stick with Wendy's, 6% are Burger King loyalists, and 18% say they like other brands. Since the dawn of Greater Illinois, fast food as a concept has become far more delicious and healthy, being based primarily off of lab-grown meat, with the average large meal having less than 20% of the daily recommended carbohydrate, cholestorol and caloric intake, nearly twice the amount of nutrients, and less than 1,000 calories. Older people among us have also said that it tastes a lot better on average than pre-collapse fast food.
• Given that Reddit is an Illinosian-owned company, it was no surprise that they would start quarantining and/or banning anti-Illinosian subreddits. So far, both r/RozKokkino and r/GenZiolkowski have been quarantined, but not outright banned. This is expected to keep the antagonistic "pink marxist" revolutionary Yannis Metrelis, who has been a blight on our ally in Byzantium for far too long, in line, but, through extra-diplomatic means, this is the most "damage" we can legally cause to him. It is up to Byzantium to decide whether or not to rid this filth from their country.
• Using the latest in terraforming technology, around 50% of the artificial islands have been completed, tactfully expanding the Illinosian airspace to make trade even harder for anti-Illinosian agents. It is also expected that some artificial islands will also be built off of Greenland to codify the industrial operations happening there as legal Illinosian territory.
• Follow the story of the reclamation of the Panama Canal and Mississippi River and what it means for us in a special TED Talk held by Mr. Lawrence Fink later today.
• In a very significant technological development, the very first Alcubierre Drive has been created in an Illinosian blacksite. Despite that it needs many, many Quark Fusion reactors to sustain itself and its extremely complex superconductor matrix for around 15 minutes, it has been recorded going at relative speeds of c (Speed of Light) 1.2. After decelerating successfully with 0.5% of its fuel remaining, it is calculated that it currently travels at ~99.5% of c, and it has lost contact shortly after breaching Termination Shock and entering Interstellar Space de-facto around 100 AU away, approximately 10 hours after engine shutoff. It is wholly expected that it will breach the Oort Cloud and zoom out to, uhh, somewhere in the following years.
• In a show of force and capability, the Pomeranian Pole that was captured and brainwashed in The Chair awhile ago has been re-purposed, re-trained and re-educated. He now serves as a proud member of the Illinosian Ground Forces. "I hope you realize that we can do this to you, too! We can do this to ALL of you!" President BERNHE addressed in a message directed at Illinosian enemies around the globe.
• It has been announced by the CIA that a main citadel of the AWAM (perhaps their HQ) has been found, captured and liquidated. Included among the prisoners is the leader of the AWAM, Josef Petrov. If indicted, it is very likely that he and his cabinet will be the very first Illinosian citizens to be thrown into The Chair. Nevertheless, the AWAM itself has been crippled by this move, and it is expected that they will fade out of relevance soon now that their leadership and capabilities have been all but destroyed. Suspiciously, a few crates of Polish-made weapons were found in the complex, far less than the stockpile that the SRU operators were expecting.
• As the AWAM falls, The Solution keeps gaining prominence. The rabidly Russophobic/anti-PSNR group has been growing in popularity within Illinoisian political life, especially as more and more attempted Polish interference is blocked and exposed by Greater Illinosian institutions. If this growth continues, they may very well become an actual political party instead of a pressure group. If they somehow gain a substantial following, it is expected that they will cooperate with the Militarists, the Corporates, the SNR, and SSP. Bands of roving Navyshirts, the most radical members of the party, march in the streets of some suburbs regularly, while the police appear to be fine with it, despite the former screaming for the destruction of all things Russian in what would normally be considered "incitement speech." As of late, almost nothing is known about Solution leadership or capability.
• The Ministry of Propaganda has denounced PSNR claims that 5 Illinosian battleships were sunk at the Triple Offensive on Tarnopol around XX months ago. "As if Poland's puny coastal defenses and primitive bombers could even hope to get within ten clicks of one of our destroyers," said Admiral Johnathan Rosenbaum. "We only withdrew earlier in the first place because the European Commonwealth requested it for classified reasons." To prove the veracity of the Greater Illinosian claims, satellite images of what should have been shipwrecks were provided; as it turns out, it was nothing but fish and flotsam.
• Members of The Solution and their Navyshirts have recently co-authored a multi-partisan bill with the Militarists and the Strength & Security Party to outright ban things such as the display of any sort of Russian or Russian-oriented flag, any memorabilia related to the PSNR, even stricter punishments for the public or private use of the Russian/Belarusian languages, as well as an increase of budget for the state surveillance system in order to combat pro-Russian and pro-PSNR stances. This bill is not expected to pass, but as of recently, it has a 34% support rating with the general public, according to a recent interview.
• Anyone miss the older OS technologies? Now, you can relive your childhood or nerdy teenager phase! Microsoft, Linux, Apple, and many other software providers have brought the World Oldware Repository online in a joint effort, allowing people to access older systems like 2000s-era Macintosh, Windows XP, and oddities like TempleOS, a "sterilized" version of BonziBuddy, and many other fun things through official emulators, all free of charge.
• BREAKING NEWS: The SRU avatar that alledgedly represents the will of the Eagle-9 Ultracomputer has spoken with both Illinosian officials and Byzantine diplomats. We're not 100% sure what's going on in there, but it appears that amongst the cabinet and the legislature, support for extreme technological ultra-accelerationism is increasing by the day. It is unknown how this will impact the Annual Technological and Historical Quorum set to be hosted in a few months in Chicago between most of the nations of the world as part of SPPCH/IPK practice.
• Bionic Eyes; Almost everyone has them (and some have even replaced BOTH eyes, even though the Ministry of Public Health strongly discourages this practice), but not all models are created equal. Join us tonight as we discuss which model is the best and what exactly to interface directly with your brain.
• IQ explosion? The latest in Illinosian neurotech appears to carve a gateway towards artificially increasing the overall intellect of the entire Illinosian population through advanced supplements and brain interfacing.
• Is Christianity a thing of the past? Are we actually special? Can God truly be visualized correctly with mere human values? Is God just something that's...beyond our reach? Join us later this week as we discuss if the antiquated, yet still popular, religion can keep up with modern philosophy and the rational society of today.
• In a recent poll, Greater Illinosian citizens have agreed, with 74% certainty, that Greater Illinosian leadership is not too authoritarian or overtly suppressive. However, 55% are concerned with the advent of The Solution, while others, 80%, are concerned with some of the parties that have arose as a part of the dismantlement of the American Forward Party.
• As part of a thought experiment, military leaders were asked to designate the biggest potential threats to Greater Illinois. They all agreed that, in terms of pure power, Byzantium would prove the biggest challenge to conquer militarily, if we somehow entered war with one another. Byzantium is essentially on our own level at this point technologically, with us only holding a small advantage nowadays, and we're mutually accelerating at similar rates, including in military technology. A conflict between Illinois and Byzantium, it is estimated, would result in the destruction of essentially every country that isn't them or their allies, millions of robotic and human casualties on both sides, deployment of some of the nastiest weapons ever forged by humankind by both ends, global economic collapse a-la-Great Collapse, and a poisoned environment. May this harrowing visualization further cement the opinion that our two great states shall always remain allies, 'lest THIS happens. Odds there are close to 50/50, with a very, very slight (~0.2%) Illinosian advantage. In terms of actual threats, however, it is expected that Indonesia would last a maximum of three months against us (and a few years later in terms of guerilla warfare) due to their fanaticism. The Soviets would last a month, the Poles would last around two weeks, the anarchists in the Balkans wouldn't even be able to retaliate, and basically every other member of the New Warsaw pact (save for Canada due to sheer manpower) is cannon fodder.
• Arrangements have been made that, if the EPR should ever fall, Greater Illinois will host its Government-In-Exile, given the large Polish populations thoughout Greater Illinois itself.
• President BERNHE denounced the State of Colorado for being "inefficient" and "soft" in a recent press briefing, although he later said that "with enough changes towards the Market Socialist direction, they could join the ARI peacefully without losing what makes Colorado special in the first place. We're a confederacy, not a union (except this time, there is no slavery). We can't repeat the mistakes of the previous USA."
• Citizens all around Greater Illinois celebrate today as XXth anniversary of the passing of the "Level Field" act, which saw significant resources invested in underserved communities, as well as significant police reform, the reversal of extreme demographic-based gerrymandering, the removal of parasitic unions like the Chicago Teacher's Union, and the de-privatization of prisons, as well as the funding of social programs that taught a new model of racial theory, different from both the old model and the hyper-progressive Critical Race Theory alike, called Rational Race Theory, which emphasizes historical reflection, growth, brotherhood, true equality and being proud of all of the good that each ethnicity (or "race," if you want to use the old terminology) has brought to the country. As we all know, over XX years, this has all but fixed the serious racial inequality present in pre-Collapse Illinois (especially in Chicago) in both the short and long runs, in a way that works and appeals to both progressives and centrists alike.
• Texas was also denounced in a Greater Illinosian press briefing today. "We've accomplished more actual social and technological progress in this very city of ours than your reactionary clique of pseudo-anarchists could ever dream of," said Vice President Braun "Tiberius" Spencer in a rare press appearance.
• What's it like to live on a moon base? Despite the Illinosian base being beaten in population by Byzantium's Artemis City, the Illinosian "Aleph-One" installation, located on the dark side of the moon, is almost entirely an industrial and scientific complex, being manned primarily by specially-modified SRUs and a team of highly-experienced doctors and engineers. It is the biggest space installation humanity has ever concieved, and it is alledged that it is responsible for Helium-3 collection for use in a wide variety of global applications, as well as a staging point for Greater Illinosian asteroid mining operations.
• In a rare move, a Greater Illinosian court has ordered Exxon Mobile and Tesla to split its asteroid mining divisions into a separate state-directed entity, alledgedly called "Astrum," citing the desire to keep the spirit of economic competition alive in this sector. The Astrum corporation is expected to handle around ~65% of all global asteroid mining, with the others being handled by Byzantine, West German and Indonesian corporations. Since its inception, asteroid mining has increased the GDP by around 50%.
• BREAKING NEWS: Given recent talks and opinions fostered by the manifestation of the Eagle-9 AI, Greater Illinois has decided to change their diplomatic functions. We're expected to become far less aggressive towards other nations, as in, being less extreme with economic and military intervention, while beginning to seek a peaceful unification in the American problem instead of FORCEFUL ANNEXATION™. However, the AI has since revealed that he believes that the Church of the Great Old Ones is the biggest threat to progress currently, as is the Indonesian state, so we're expected to start taking even harsher actions against the cult, while attempting to solve the Indonesian question in a more peaceful manner. Nevertheless, the AI has said that the conflict with the PSNR is mostly useless and based off of primitive desires for revenge against the other, so it was suggested that PSNR leadership be invited over to Chicago for a "Kultokratic Visit" to possibly begin detente. It is expected that both the CIA and The Solution will be extremely opposed to this move. The AI has also said that communist states will inevitably collapse themselves and that they'll never grow big enough to pose a threat to Illinois, so it's all going to be a matter of waiting. However, he also said that if we're attacked by a communist state, it would only make sense to strike back. The AI appears to consider Fascism to be a bigger threat than Communism and Anarchism, as Fascism actually has the possibility of working in the long run.
• In an unexpected move, the Kultokrat of Poland and his ministry have accepted the offer to visit Chicago. To prepare for the visit, known Chicago members of The Solution were told to "go on vacation for a little bit" and leave Chicago for awhile, the police SRU reserves have been activated for additional security and the military has been deployed to guard the Illinosian facilities (as well as providing concessions for the Polish detail), and both the Illinosian and Polish governments were given the option to wear full-body bulletproof jumpsuits in case something funny happens.
• How many asteroids are there? "Contrary to popular belief, more than enough for everyone. There are a ton of asteroids in space, and some of them carry so much metal that they can outshine the global economy in value," said an MIT Professor of Astronomy. "Let's just say that we're all set for awhile."
• Despite everything, the EPR still insists on persisting against the PSNR, despite the extremely generous peace offering offered by them [the PSNR]. At this point, there's nothing we can do given the alternatives and our apparent detente with the PSNR. However, Greater Illinois will host the EPR government-in-exile if they capitulate to the PSNR.
• The Treaty of Chicago, until recently thought of to be impossible, has been signed by Illinosian leadership, nominally ending hostilities against the PSNR and allowing for many new trade opportunities. Whereas many Illinosian citizens are happy that the fighting is over, a few, especially those in The Solution and the CIA, aren't too happy about the recent state of affairs. President BERNHE said this; "This is a long-term existential move to combat a far greater threat than what the PSNR could ever dream of being. Plans are in the works and the time ahead will be rough, but please know that all of this is...necessary. We'll still crack down on the USSR and other communist countries, and we still really hate Russia, but nominally, aggression against Poland and the NWP has ceased."
• New Foreign Policy: can it work? Take a look as we analyze the more peaceful endeavors that Greater Illinois will embark on in the future.
• Given the breakthroughs in negative energy and mass technology, the first practical generations of the temperature of Absolute Zero have been attained on a super-molecular level. This is very interesting indeed, as while Absolute Zero has many uses by itself, given that it is the state where everything just...stops, it also paves the way for extremely low temperatures for ultra-efficient "hyperconductor" systems.
• Upgrades to the Eagle-9 Ultracomputer have been done. It has been fully outfitted with Atmospheric Superconductors, massive advanced component upgrades thanks to asteroid mining, and the implementation of perpetual [REDACTED] systems in its general processes. It is expected that the computer, given its size and compounding nature, will be expected to perform a mind-boggling 10^784 operations per second. However, the pure computational power of the facility means that its full power is limited to the constructs of Illinosian technology. What this will do to the autonomous AI that has manifested from the computer is unknown.
• IBM has offered to partner with the Byzantine company Panayotis, Inc. to build a second Eagle-9 Ultracomputer in the Byzantine territory.
• The Greater Illinosian Space Agency (GISA) has made history today by fielding the first "commercial" Alcubierre drive for use in the Solar System. Powered almost entirely by Quantum Computers, this user-friendly model allows corporations to expand their interests in space even faster and make the setup of bases on most planets possible. Despite the user-friendly nature of the commercial Drive, it is only capable of going at 5x the speed of light and is quite expensive to maintain, because negative mass, despite being easier to synthesize and maintain with Byzantine systems, is still very costly to produce. It is expected that the Astrum corporation will make the greatest use out of these to start accessing favorable asteroids in the Kuiper belt, and even intercepting comets that are really far away.
• Wonderful news for the military today as the 8th-generation Standard Robotic Unit has been unveiled. Supersteel has long been the dominant material in Greater Illinosian military tech. Still, breakthroughs in molecular technology have allowed for even stronger materials, collectively dubbed "Ultrasteels," to be fielded in ADMECH units, SRUs, and the Citadel-1 platforms. Ultrasteel can take around 5x the punishment that Supersteel can, and it dampens recoil and other ballistic/energy trauma as a side effect. However, it tends to be around twice as heavy as Supersteel, so it is only deployed in the form of new armor plates instead of replacing Supersteel. Each 8th-Gen SRU is directly linked to the older Eagle-8 system, which doesn't manifest AIs but is still quite potent. They are expected to become Eagle-9 compatible with later updates, as well. To compensate for the added bulk, the 8th-gen SRUs are approximately 2.5m tall, which allows them to be even stronger and faster. Finally, and most significantly, these are the first units not to field Gauss weapons. Most wield advanced Gamma Lasers, while solo operatives still rely on Gauss Snipers and even THUNDER systems, capable of projecting electricity onto targets for devastating effect.
• Declassified documents of an experimental medical treatment have said that it has prolonged the lifespan of a mouse used as a test subject by around 3x. As in, it merely aged slower. What will happen now?
• Recently, a peace treaty with the Hungarian nation, which ensured non-hostility, trade cooperation, and other things, has been signed. This move happened due to Greater Illinois' cooperation with the PSNR and the two state's mutual enemy in Dacia.
• Greater Illinois has announced the deployment of the Annihilator Brigades to the LFA to curb the uprisings that are taking place there. The Annihilator Brigades are Illinosian special forces, and are among the last truly human units in the entire Illinosian army. They're kept around mainly for PR reasons, where simply sending SRUs would leave a bad impression.
• In a sort of weird move, according to most people who were asked in a later interview, Greater Illinois has told both its allies in the ARI, Byzantium, the PSNR, and other countries that it intends on building even MORE nukes in space to...counter potential asteroid interdiction. "Laser technology, even the new Gamma lasers, aren't advanced enough to efficiently destroy any meteor that may threaten the planet. Until further developments are made, we must use nuclear weapons to deter this specific issue." It is reported that Byzantium is fielding something of its own like that. Still, since essentially every capable nation hosts the Laser Matrix, nuclear warfare is largely a thing of the past.
• What's the biggest import from our new connections in the PSNR? We don't like to import much, being neo-mercantilists, but sources say that for now...it's foodstuffs! "Finally, we get decent pierogi!" said Antoni Donowicz, 83, who lived in Poland pre-collapse. Surprisingly, the Polish movie market (dubbed "Pollywood" by Illinosian film critics) has found an opening here, too.
• Dr. Mikolaj Kaminski, in a rare public broadcast, has announced his happiness that Greater Illinois and Poland were able to reconcile. "Seeing either of my homelands get glassed wasn't something I was looking forward to! However, I'm still skeptical about the PSNR's caveats with the Russkies."
• Astrum has captured and is beginning to mine out an asteroid full of Rhodium, today. This is expected to have weird effects on auto industries all over the world.
• Boeing has declassified the existence of the F-49 fighter, which has seen limited engagement in the conflicts in Europe. Allegedly, it's an even more powerful version of the F-42 already fielded by Boeing, fit with gamma lasers, fusion bombs, graphite missiles (for easy deactivation of enemy crafts), and a miniaturized "death ray" previously only seen in Byzantine designs. They're also fully autonomous, like the F-42 with recent firmware updates.
• During the finalization of the 8th-gen SRU designs, an engineering flaw has been found within Ultrasteel. Apparently, we were using way too much titanium, as experimental batches still kept their strength while being lighter (although not as light as Supersteel). It is now light enough that Ultrasteel can be used in the SRU's actual armor instead of being used in bulky plates. At least we caught that before the manufacturing process! Still, the SRUs are supposed to be quite tall nontheless, despite the new designs, as the engineers have decided that the nanite repair systems within them, as well as the computational, power generation and mechanical systems, would be more of a benefit if given more room, despite the increase in material cost.
• A rough estimate of the Illinosian armed forces, drafted by military technicians, the mandatory LARP foundation, and approved by both the Illinosian Military and Raytheon Technologies, goes as follows. Without the might of the free market and the gains from asteroid mining, we would have never been able to achieve such a strong and powerful army. Estimates are that around ~90% of this force is in suspension [reserve] for now to prevent the waste of Helium-3:
  • ~23,000,000 Standard Robotic Units
    • ~15,000,000 6th Gen
    • ~8,000,000 7th Gen
  • ~10,000 Human Troops
    • ~2,000 Annihilator Brigades
    • ~8,000 National Guardsmen
  • ~500,000 ADMECH units
    • [SPECIFICS REDACTED]
  • ~6,000 Combat Jets
    • [REDACTED] F-49 Fighters
    • ~4,000 F-42 Fighters
    • ~1,500 F-35 Fighters
    • ~500 A-12 "Lightning" Fighters
  • ~2,500 Bombers
    • ~2,400 HK-1 "Millenium" Bombers (improved version of the LFA's design)
    • ~100 B-3 "Phantasm" Bombers
  • ~30,000 Drones
    • ~20,000 DR-1 "Midge" Drones (anti-vehicle VTOL drones equipped with THUNDER systems and a wide variety of tools to latch on an destroy either aircraft or ground vehicles/equipment).
    • ~8,000 DR-2 "Locust" Drones (modified MQ-9 reapers that carry both missiles, laser cannons and gauss cannons).
    • ~2,000 DR-3 "Grasshopper" Drones (a new design, distinct from the MQ-9 and loosely based off of the Slayer and Basil drones of Byzantium that are built for carrying and delivering explosives whilst evading AA instead of dogfighting or other tactics).
  • ~600 Citadel-1 Domination Platforms
  • ~300 XMH-7 "Exterminator" Flying Fortresses
  • ~30,000 Nuclear Weapons
    • ~3,000 TRBMs (Tactical Range Ballistic Missiles)
    • ~2,000 SRBMs (Short Range Ballistic Missiles)
    • ~5,000 MRBMs (Medium Range Ballistic Missiles)
    • ~5,000 IRBMs (Intermediate Range Ballistic Missiles)
    • ~15,000 ICBMs (Inter-Continental Ballistic Missiles)
  • ~200,000 Artillery Batteries
    • [CAPABILITES REDACTED]
  • ~30 "Epsilon" Intercontinental Border Cannons
• Illinosian defense analysts have warned the Byzantine military not to be too reliant on laser technology. "Lasers are only good against specific targets, as are kinetic weapons. They're meant to be fielded alongside each other, not to serve as replacements for one another. That's why we still have some Gauss weapons in our military, and that's why we're developing a new generation of the technology using the superconductors and stuff we have now! Arguably, if these new weapons turn out the way we think they're gonna turn out, they'll do even more damage than your average Gamma laser," said Gen. Johnathan McCloskey of the Illinosian Military.
• Where is the Eagle-9 AI now? We haven't heard from him in awhile, although government representatives say that he's doing fine and is just...thinking for now.
• Recent breakthroughs in plant biotechnology have produced strains of algae that are capable of generating the same amount of oxygen as an entire Oak tree (of Quercus Myrtifolia) with a concentration of only 10 kilograms. This will provide a massive boost to long-term survival on the moon, as costly and massive oxygen retention systems on our colonies will be a thing of the past.
• History today has been made as a GISA manned quark fusion rocket has touched down on the Saturnian moon Titan today for the first time. The mission lasted four hours, and many samples from the Titanian terrain and its methane lakes were discovered. Finally, as part of an experiment, they left an AI core, based on the Eagle-9 system, with a crew of maintenance robots, modular facilities and materials to see how it would handle "colonizing" a planet.
• A group of scientists have decided to begin researching solar power once again, as both a possible survival mechanism and a way to finally start tapping into more of the energies emitted by the Sun. A Dyson Sphere is probably hundreds of years away at this point, but there's still a lot of energy to be taken regardless. Byzantium has been brought on board in this development, as more power is good.
• One thing stands in the way of our scientific endeavors, and that's antimatter. A wide variety of our projects require it, but up until recently, we've only been able to affordably synthesize a few kilograms at a time, and containing it is hellish enough already, as it needs to be held on and experimented with in space via Illinosian law (said law was recently petitioned to the AltUN to make it an international law) due to its extremely destructive properties. What if...we could do more? What if...we could harness it once and for all? Listen to the accounts of the men and women behind the field of "Antimatter Physics" today in our new documentary; Chasing the Infinite.
• In other news, the Eagle-9 AI has said that it may be possible to synthesize matter out of nothing, so long as some wacky conditions (mainly involving entropy) are met. This was concluded after it analyzed the manifestation, annihilation and nature of virtual particles on the subatomic level.
• The Greater Illinosian Space Agency has revealed its biggest endeavor yet: creating colonies on every planet in the solar system, including moons, certain exoplanets, and some particularly large asteroids such as Ceres. It also seeks to build a space station in stellar orbit with the sun, primarily for the purposes of energy collection to fuel the many Quark fusion reactors that power Chicago.
• A massive breakthrough has happened today as the first negative mass was created here on Earth outside of space. Normally, the conditions needed to sustain negative mass are only possible out there, but today, a facility was able to hold the conditions necessary for negative mass to be stable for five minutes. Wheareas the system used to contain the negative mass would have filled an entire building when the first warp drives were created, now, the system is found within a single room. With the application of new hyperconductors that operate mere femtokelvins above absolute zero (and therefore making the machinations actually take up an entire building), it is said that potentially, the system would be able to maintain negative mass indefinitely, so long as the hyperconductors aren't disturbed. This is expected to be revolutionary for the field of perpetual motion, which was limited to space and theoretical work until recently, but now, we could actually start building post-efficient methods of power generation, those with beyond 100% efficiency. Byzantium already has a schematic that they're building, so we'll wait and see how their reactor works before potentially conking our own tried-and-tested Quark fusion energy grid out.
• The robot stationed on Titan a month or so ago has made peculiar advancements within its quest to build a colony there. Of course, given that its a robot, oxygen on this "grey colony" doesn't exist, but the metal and reactors we gave it appeared to have been put to good use, as the robot has used the metals it was given, in combination with the factory and refinery modules, to produce the components necessary to make more robots. Since then, the colony has made solar panels by sending a probe powered by a Quark rocket to cause an asteroid filled with the the necessary materials to synthesize additional silicon to crash near it. It has also synthesized methane gas from the lakes on Titan, and uses a rudimentary combustion engine, created using a blank module and a combination of many custom templates, to power most things on the base, saving the quark fusion reactor for when it is needed (i.e to power the probe). This sort of esoteric and long-term planning was unprecedented, and it will be interesting to see how the robot potentially builds additional things like more quark reactors, addtional rockets or even drills to penetrate the Titanian surface.
• In an initiative to harness the full computational power of the Eagle 9 system, around a million "specialized" SRUs, designed by human engineers to boast systems large enough to handle the extreme amount of operations the computer is capable of churning out and to be able to function like humans, are being constructed by Raytheon Technologies. This would allow the AI to contribute to the fields of science and industry directly, as some of the first forms of truly "artificial" life.
• The Department of Resource Maintenance has revealed a list of megaprojects that it hopes to complete at least three decades from now;
  • Refine warp technology to a point where an Illinosian probe is able to breach the boundaries of the Observable Universe and potentially return with data (since it can't just be transmitted at that point) of what's beyond the veil.
  • Have more Illinosians living outside of Earth than living on it.
  • Create power generation systems sufficient enough to power the entire world.
  • Use the power of computation to create permanent solutions to all malignant diseases and disorders.
  • Fully map the human brain in its entirety, and be able to transfer minds either physically or through data.
  • Create the first hadron collider that slams particles and warp bubbles together at FTL speeds.
  • The harnessing and manipulation of antimatter to achieve even higher forms of power generation and propulsion.
  • Finding the political and economic universal "perfect system."
  • Bolster synthesis technology to the point where any single heavier element can be transmuted into any lighter element, and the ability to transmute quantities of lighter elements into heavier ones, thus ending the scarcity of heavy elements.
  • Successfully have a particularly durable craft reach the mantle of the Sun and gather raw data from it.
  • Explore our local stellar neighborhood and build colonies on its planets and space.
  • Discover at least one potentially habitable planet and build a city there.
  • Analyze a black hole up close and personal, while also fiddling with relative time dilation and, with the discovery of negative mass, relative time acceleration.
  • Expand the almighty computer EVEN MORE.
  • Actually Existing Post-Humanism?
  • Somehow create "true social equality" without pissing anyone off.
  • Potentially unify the entire world in the quest for muh advanced technology.
• "WHAT THE [BLEEP] ARE YOU DOING?" President BERNHE asked Loukas Mitrides, leader of Byzantium, when he authorized the Byzantine military, almost as powerful as our own, to directly intervene in the Eastern Crisis. "I honestly don't understand this move on their part. Regardless, Greater Illinois remains neutral on the PSNR/EPR spat per the Treaty of Chicago, and we state, for the record, that we had nothing to do with inciting Byzantium to do this."
• History has been made today as in one single day, humans landed for the first time on both Mercury and Venus. AI cores were left behind, just like the procedure on Titan, except these ones are more advanced. It will be interesting to see what these do.
• In a stunning move, the Greater Illinosian legislature has voted to allow the Eagle-9 AI to have his own seat in the senate and house. "Are we sure about this?" a random citizen asked when interviewed.
• Based on the hit game "North Germany Simulator," EA has released another video game poking fun at reactionary elements around the globe. "Starvation Parade" is based off of running a simulation of the Neo-Soviet Union, where one must purge kulaks, keep the population in check, thwart Illinosian economic trolling, build a cult dedicated to the PSNR (because they're literally the only reason why Illinois hasn't nuked the Soviets yet), ward off famine, pacify angry Chechens and fight off Indonesia. You're basically slated to lose, but that's what makes it fun!
• The largest quantity of antimatter ever conceived, around 2 kg of the stuff, was held for a duration of 50 minutes today in interplanetary orbit before reacting with its containment device and creating a gigantic explosion.
• An asteroid mining probe has landed on the dwarf planet Ceres today, ready to begin collecting the vast quantities of carbon-based compounds, sulfur-based compounds, and potentially even water found within it. Greater Illinois is expected to build an entire habitat on this asteroid/dwarf planet, given its immense size.
• The Eagle-9 AI has attempted to contact the leader of Byzantium, Loukas Mitrides, in order to get them to pull out from the EPR. "Opening this can of worms could be disastrous for peace in Europe in the long term. We must ask ourselves, since the EPR has denied many generous offers from the PSNR, if they're really worth the effort. They are but one small state that, to be frank, causes more problems than solutions. We need to think in both the short and long terms. It isn't too late to turn back, you know. We've proven our superiority enough already," said the AI in its message.
• With war in Europe seeming inevitable due to Byzantine operations, Greater Illinois has reinstated the old doctrine of Command Precedence to bolster the Militarists. Work on another generation of SRU is in the works, despite the 8th gen only being a few weeks old, and questionable sources say that Illinois is working on a weapon so powerful that it could potentially solve all of the world's problems through pure pressure, in a way. Research on a far more potent portable laser system fueled by Quark Fusion is in the works, as well, and so is, with the advent of hyperconductors, practical portable railguns. It is also expected that, given the potential military applications of such a fuel, antimatter research will be bolstered.
• Greater Illinois has announced that it has begun to build a city on the habitable planet in the Proxima Centauri-B system found by Byzantium. Using the latest military-grade warp drives, the trip to and from Alpha Centauri only takes six days round-trip. So far, the amount of colonists sits at around 400.
• Since the existence of negative mass has been proven, wouldn't that mean there could be the existence of "white holes" as well? Wormholes, maybe? Scientists at the Mass Repulsion Institute weigh in on the new space documentary; "White Yield."
• Is it ethical to charge ridiculous rates against communist countries for trading? Yes, yes it is. Cope & Seethe.
• With the successful activation of Byzantium's trans-efficient perpetual motion reactor, we're constructing and are going to activate our own in Chicago in around a month's time. Updates to the schematics still allow for the Quark Fusion systems to operate per-normal as a backup, so that concern has been dealt with.
• The perpetual motion reactor has been activated in Greater Illinois, spanning the size of an entire city block and reaching temperatures of up to 1 billion degrees Celsius. This machine generates power at around ~120% efficiency, and produces enough to power the entirety of Greater Illinois. The Quark Fusion reactors are still being kept online in case the reactor fails. Many failsafes have been put into place to prevent a dangerous meltdown.
• As part of the IPK initiative, the GISA has launched a modernized replica of the ISS, capable of sustaining itself perpetually, into Low-Earth Orbit.
• Why has Greater Illinois become so neutral towards world affairs? Sources say that it's because we've already achieved 99% of our original goals.
• In a surprising move, the Illinosian garrison (~10 Herons, 10 Flying Fortresses, 100,000 8th-Gen SRUs, 5,000 misc. ADMECH units) stationed in Byzantium has invaded Dacia in a joint operation with Byzantium, and possibly including the PSNR of all nations in the future. It is expected that Istria will join the conflict, as well as the Balkan Union, which complicates things because the latter are NWP members. CIA kill teams have already taken out at least a dozen Dacian commanders/commune leaders, and Azazel compounds have been deployed to "take care" of latent guerilla movements within the Dacian wilderness. Greater Illinois has since pledged to reverse any environmental damage that Azazel may cause after the war. The Illinosian chapter of the IRC has been deployed to prevent Total Civilian Death. The CIA has also declassified reports made on behalf of the Hungarian state that details the horrible ways in which the communes populated by Roma are managed. It is expected that this "war" will last a few weeks at most, even less if the PSNR joins in on the fun.
• Greater Illinois has praised Norway-Sweden's massive undertaking in reviving its nuclear grid, saying that it sets an excellent precedent and source of morale for those who are still healing from the chaos of the post-collapse world.
• In light of recent events, IBM has partnered with Byzantium, the Illinoisian government, PSNR representatives, and the IPK, ITI and SPPCH to build the biggest computer ever created. This computer, which breaks away from the previous serializations of "Eagle-X" and "Kythera-X," is set to be almost an entire kilometer cubed and has yet to be given a name (which will probably be decided on between the countries that are building it). It is set to employ the absolute latest in international technology. It will be expected, according to inside sources and given its massive size and hyper-efficient capabilities, that it will be able to perform upwards of 10^4,098 operations per second, absolutely dwarfing anything that any single nation has ever built before. The computer is set to be located near the North Pole, which is unclaimed territory. It is expected to be so costly that Greater Illinois deems the facility's construction one of its many "megaprojects." This will also be the final test for our asteroid mining capacities since an utterly gargantuan metal supply will be required to construct this thing. A platoon of 1,000 8th-gen SRUs is expected to guard the facility to deter Lovecraftians who may attempt to interfere with the project. This computer will probably have extreme practical usage, so it will be available for use by any non-communist country. The AI that manifested from the Eagle 9 ultracomputer has reacted to this news with excitement and praise, and has called the project "a true ultracomputer."
• Greater Illinois has purchased a few hundred of Byzantium's new laser cannons recently. We are working on reverse-engineering and Illinoisifying them and integrating the systems into our Laser Matrix.
• Raytheon Technologies has unveiled a new kind of Super-Heavy Combat Vehicle, or SHCV. It's a model built for space warfare, developed in light of recent events with the whole wacky alien thing going on in Finland. The biggest SHCV to date, due to the lack of gravitational limits, the new SHCV, dubbed the "XMH-8 'Evangelion'," is built to serve as both a denial platform for entities launched from Earth, but also to launch Annihilator payloads more efficiently at space targets, as well as boasting some seriously massive Gauss and Gamma Laser-based armaments for murdering any hostile craft that dares to threaten Earth. So far, around three have been built.
• Today marks the ten thousandth asteroid captured, processed and hulled out by the Astrum corporation. Since the dawn of the practice, asteroid mining has essentially pushed the world into a post-scarcity state regarding metal, clean water, and components for things like concrete. Greater Illinois is considering making the day that the first probe was launched to hull out the first asteroid a national holiday.
• When will humanity become a Type I civilization? "When communism is vanquished from this Earth, The Church of the Great Old Ones is but a bitter section in the history books, and peace in Europe is made, of course!" said President BERNHE in a State of the Union.
• IBM has revealed the first Microcomputer; a room-sized computer system that employs sufficient technologies to host the capacities of a personal laptop or iPad, but runs on only a few nanojoules of energy per week. This is expected to make space exploration even easier as the technology develops even further.
• How is technology developing at such an alarming rate nowadays? The answer lies in our computers. "Computers have truly made everything infinitely easier," says Prof. Lawrence R. Benett of the University of Wisconsin; "Performing experiments is no longer a matter of logistics, nature and human error, for we can now simulate them in unnaturally perfect conditions at a moment's notice. Computers have sped things up one millionfold, I would assume! And those AIs know far more than what they seem; nobody has ever beaten me in a debate about biology until the Eagle 9 AI manifested!"
• Greater Illinois, on behalf of the industrial sector, is proud to announce that we're Carbon Negative! That's right, we now officially produce less carbon emissions than the emissions we siphon from the atmosphere! A wondrous day, indeed!
• A historic moment in Greater Illinoisian history has been made today as a detente has been declared between Greater Illinois and the nation of Colorado, citing similar environmental views, Illinois' new foreign policy goals, and our role in bringing the world towards post-scarcity.
• How easy is it for Greater Illinois to cure diseases? Unfathomably easy, thanks to our computers. Computers are capable of pinpointing everything about a disease; potential mutations, its entire genome, its chemical structure, symptoms, whether or not to use phages or antibiotics to cure it (to prevent resistance to one type of cure or another), and things like possible vectors and transmission rates. This is great for both International Red Cross initiatives and deleting one of East Greenland's biggest pieces of leverage; their bioweapons. Since then, Greater Illinois has distributed cures for many diseases, such as a 100% reliable vaccine for COVID-19, permanent cures for cancer and rabies, revolutionary CRISPR technology to prevent the emergence of hereditary diseases, long-term wards for Alzheimer's and dementia, as well as general life-extension technology that could increase the average human lifespan to the age of ~110 years through the administration of drugs that slow down organ decay.
• A completely revolutionary breakthrough today occurred as, after many months of stagnation, the art of synthesis technology has taken another leap. A massive machine has been created in a joint project between IBM, Boeing and Astrum to "decay" any complex compound (i.e rocks, dirt, etc.) at very fast rates into far simpler compounds, which can then be broken down into their elemental forms if needed as a nearly post-scarce fuel for synthesis. Rarity appears to have lost its meaning. Hallelujah!
• The GISA has announced the construction of the first space warehouse, allowing for complex spaceship repairs without descending to another planet or space station.
• In a shocking turn of events, the robotic colony stationed on Titan has evolved into a veritable city of its own, with massive amounts of metal being refined and synthesized from the Titanian crust. The advent of synthesis-decay technology has spurned this mass advancement. Most of the "buildings" in the city appear to be server rooms and warehouses, and there are plenty of rudimentary defenses in the city as well. Drill complexes are everywhere, and it is reported that the colony is self-manufacturing robots.
• Massive news today as the GISA has announced the construction of a massive particle accelerator on Mercury. This accelerator is around 100 km in diameter and resulted from operations that have been kept secret for over a year at this point. A colony will be built on Mercury for scientists to be able to access the particle accelerator.
• Election time is almost here, and President BERNHE has never been doing better. Approval sits at around 82%, with critics saying that areas he could be more militaristic.
• Greater Illinois has voiced support over Byzantium's new apparent "pan-humanist" thought processes, although we think that it's more of a long-term goal for us since we have yet to reunify the USA.
• The very first handheld particle cannon based on Quark Fusion has been successfully tested by Greater Illinoisian scientists from Lockheed Martin. It was seen to have a potency around ~4x that of Gamma-based laser systems. Bigger pieces of artillery are also being tested in Byzantium, which also yield very promising results.
• In other news, the construction of the currently-unnamed Ultracomputer at the North Pole is nearing 40% completion. It is unknown what sort of impact this will have on Polar Bear populations.
• As the first Illinoisian suggestion to the IPK, the Department of Research and Development has requested the international organization to work on "reviving" extinct animals using genetic and biomechanical technologies.
• A great day dawns for us on the horizon as the Lovecraftian cult in Greenland has agreed to cease operations in the New World in exchange for lifting the sanction. Even more significantly, however, they also cut ties with the rabid state of Indonesia, preventing them [Indonesia] from accessing the Atlantic Ocean without the approval of Greater Illinois. However, it is feared that the Indonesian state will attempt to perform a reprisal strike against the Lovecraftians. Only time will tell if Greater Illinois steps up to the plate and tells Indonesia to "[bleep] off."
• In regards to the Eastern Crisis, Greater Illinois has strongly and fully condemned the Indonesian practice of using captured Lithuanian women (including girls) as sexual objects, which has caused the the Department of International Stability to provide both the Illinosian, Polish and Hungarian Red Cross operations with weapons and the ability to administer nanoscopic tracking devices within all Lithuanian women they treat to aid Illinoisian retrieval operations.
• Today marks a grave day in Illinoisian history as it appears that the government is finally fed up with Indonesia and their antics. This sentiment has been brewing for months, but it has been all but realized with President BERNHE's newest State of the Union:
  • "My fellow Americans and our allies in Europe, it is with great sorrow that I speak to you tonight. The situation in both Europe and Asia has grown too far out of control for us to ignore, so consider this a declaration of action. I'll get to the point; Greater Illinois must henceforth declare the so-called "Indonesian Imperium," and anyone who dares to support them in any way, a threat to the entire world. We've tried everything from diplomacy to sanctioning to exerting military pressure, and nothing has worked so far except the usage of brute force. Violence is a language that the "Kaiser Emperor" speaks fluently, so we must speak his language in kind. Indonesia, its allies and whoever works with Indonesia are now considered enemies of Greater Illinois and whatever nations will stand with us against the Demon of South Asia. Those who currently support Indonesia or are aligned with them in any way have four weeks to publicly renounce and cut ties with this monstrosity before Greater Illinois ceases trade, ongoing technological support, access to Greater Illinois-led organizations, and diplomatic relations. As for the Kaiser Emperor himself, know that your days infesting this planet with your filth, murdering innocents for no discernable reason, and destabilizing the global order that all of us work so hard for are numbered. Just know that we can strike from anywhere at anytime from wherever we want to. None of your "secrets" are secret, and soon the whole world will know the truth about your nightmare. If you're wise, you'll surrender before drastic measures are taken, but I highly doubt you'll listen to reason, as you've never done so before. As for the rest of the world, both free and controlled, NWP and GTO, communist and capitalist, nationalist and globalist...none of that matters now. We must focus on driving out this demon from our planet before the madman kills us all. Indonesia's days are numbered. Thank you all for your attention, and I hope for your support in this endeavor.
• The cold war has become hot as the mass military buildup, wrought by Montana, Greater Illinois, the BosWash Megalopolis, the Liberal Federation of America, Eelam, Byzantium and volunteers from all over the world (mainly those from the PSNR, East Greenland, the EPR, Colorado, the Neo-Soviet Union and Hungary) have actively begun an invasion of the Indonesian state. Three massive invasion forces, size classified, pulled off Normandy-style landings on the territories of Papua, Sulawesi and Aceh, where they're expected to work inwards, capturing many Indonesian cities along the way. Illinoisian Laser Matrices have been set up in the Philippines, Thailand and in Papua New Guinea, disallowing Indonesia from using nuclear weapons or other heavy bombs on the footholds already gained. Quick infrastructure is also being built to allow the bulk of the invasion force to steadily stream in. Assaults from suicide bombers and Indonesian raiders have been merciless, with upwards of around 3,000 human volunteers dying and 200 SRUs being permanently knocked out of commission. XRT-7 Flying Fortresses are expected to depart from Eelam and Australia to clean up the remnants of the Indonesian Air Force sent to stop the invasion force. The International Red Cross has also set up installations on hospital ships, where processed Indonesian civilians are de-conditioned and treated to be sent to refugee centers in Australia. The navy has begun the tedious process of wiping out the Indonesian submarines that infest the waters, with an estimated 200 sinkages occurring already. It is unknown what the situation is regarding heavy armor and other SHCVs. The invasion is expected to go on for approximately three months. In retaliation, Indonesia has launched nuclear weapons at Greater Illinois and Europe, all of which have been intercepted by the Laser Matrix's new particle cannon installations. We'll be back with more news soon.
• In a shocking twist, the war in Indonesia ended around XX months into the invasion. Indonesia has agreed to the Treaty of Jakarta, which limits Indonesia's influence to Asia and prevents them from expanding outside of the nominal Indonesian territories. However, Norway-Sweden seeks to instill the dissident Murba movement, so we'll have to fight THEM off somehow, too. Indonesia's "Kaiser Emperor" has also been placed on some very powerful medicines, allowing him to become sane again. Since around ~30% of the Indonesian population has died during his rule already, it is unknown how the Kaiser Emperor will transition from a "Burgundian" system to a more despotic one.
• BREAKING NEWS: The second war on communism is effectively over, as Greater Illinois has decided it isn't worth it anymore. "Look, communism as a system is terrible, but they haven't tried to encroach upon our sphere, nor interfere with the global ascension, so our resources can be better spent developing new technology and stimulating the economy instead of goofy sanctions," said President BERNHE in a press release. Since most people never really cared about communism all that much in the first place, this is expected to increase approval ratings slightly.
• BREAKING NEWS: Greater Illinois has joined COMECON to turn it into a vessel for global ascension! The global ascension is the Illinoisian ambition to increase the technology level of the entire planet through trade, and hopefully, this will lead to a bright new chapter for humanity. Byzantium and GTO member states will also be encouraged to join.
• The big computer being built at the North Pole is around 75% complete and 25% operational, with the development of the system being accelerated by the input and hands-on presence of IPK, ITI and COMECON representatives. This means the computer will be free for almost any nation to access once it's online.
• The first handheld rail cannon, using the latest in superconductor technology, has been successfully tested. Hitting around 60% harder than an average Gauss cannon, thanks to its higher velocities and larger calibers. However, these are still prototypes. The final products are expected to yield far more devastating results as the technology leaps through its experimental phases, with an upwards of around a ~300% increase from your average Gauss cannon expected.
• "Of all places, why does COMECON have to meet in [bleep]ing MOSCOW?" said a particularly Russophobic Illinoisian scientist who was assigned to attend a COMECON meeting in a video that has since gone viral in both Europe and America. "It's a shithole city in a shithole country infested by shitty people of a shitty ethnicity who follow a shitty system. Evidently, we didn't drop enough dirty bombs on the wretched hive when we still did that kind of stuff! Our glorious city of Chicago, the citadel of Warsaw or the graceful metropolis of Budapest would have been far better picks than...THAT!" Whereas the video was deemed hilarious by most of the Greater Illinoisian Web, reactions were far more mixed in Europe, especially when the video was played during a subsequent COMECON meeting by Norwegian-Swedish and Balkan Union representatives. Since then, the scientist in question has been confined to more domestic pursuits and house arrest for his own safety. Speaking of which, despite the recent peace with the NWP bloc, Russophobic/Anti-Soviet attitudes are increasing in intensity due to their attempts to interfere with the American reunification, with more and more people joining The Solution every month.
• As the GDP continues to grow, let's take a look at some of our most profitable industries:
  • Asteroid Mining (worth ~$850T USD, not included in either GNP or GDP due to resource acquisition taking place primarily in unclaimed outer space)
  • Computing/Advanced Components (worth ~$100T USD)
  • Weapon Manufactory (worth ~$50T USD)
  • Agriculture/GMOs (worth ~$40T USD)
  • Pharmaceuticals (worth ~$20T USD)
• Who doesn't like Hungary? See why Illinoisian opinions on the upstart little state are the best in Europe, second only to Byzantium, as the newest GINN documentary; "Hungary, the Sentinel of Europe" airs later tonight at 7 P.M, CST.
• Cinematic history has been made today as a Polish-made film has reached the ninth place on TIME magazine's list of ten annual best-selling movies. A Pole in the Mouth of a Beast has generated acclaim and praise for its realistic yet engaging storytelling and stage work. Dubbed "Pollywood," Polish film has become quite popular among Illinoisian filmgoers ever since the Treaty of Chicago.
• "Probably just nothing" is the general opinion of Illinoisian meteorologists and astronomers as Byzantium and other states are reporting some weird anomalies across the globe.
• Today marks the first time that a human has landed on Pluto, the famous dwarf planet! More of a token gesture than anything, an Illinoisian probe carrying a team of four astronauts landed a few minutes ago on the faraway hunk of rock, and is set to return to Earth in around two hours. Greater Illinois seeks to land on many other interesting exoplanets, namely Haumea, Eris, Sedna and others, as a show of the strength of the GISA.
• "Not gonna lie, this whole peace thing is really boring," said an Illinoisian teenager when interviewed earlier today. "Nothing happens anymore outside of the occasional sanction or military act. I kind of miss the feeling of urgency that came from our conflict with the PSNR." This is an example of the new trend of "Crisis Nostalgia;" a desire to return to the old days of hardship.
• BREAKING NEWS: The "Eastern Crisis" between the EPR and the PSNR has concluded with a total PSNR victory. Since then, Greater Illinois has pledged to offer discounted rates to the PSNR and the European Commonwealth to rebuild the former EPR. General opinions are somewhat mixed, with some feeling that we "betrayed" them, while others find our withdrawal completely necessary, given the EPR's suicidal diplomatic doctrine. Overall, however, people here are quite happy that this pointless, needlessly drawn-out conflict is over with and that Europe is again stable.
• BREAKING NEWS: Minnesota has accepted our offer to join the American Reunification Initiative, thus making our alliance stronger and allowing us to achieve our goals easier. The future is looking bright. It remains to be seen whether or not Colorado, Southern California, Baja California and the New American Republic will join our confederacy.
• BREAKING NEWS: The International Asteroid Defense System, a stockpile of around ~200,000 nukes maintained jointly by Greater Illinois, the PSNR and Byzantium, has intercepted and destroyed an asteroid in transfer to Low Earth Orbit after the probes carrying it malfunctioned, causing it to spiral towards Earth. Two nukes with a yield of around ~200 megatons were launched, eventually splitting the asteroid into many parts, which were small enough to be burnt up completely in the Mesosphere over the Pacific Ocean.
• BREAKING NEWS: The ultracomputer in the North Pole, dubbed the Mass Computational Facility until an actual name is found, has finally been completed and is around 50% operational as of right now. Given its massive output and capabilities, it is expected to propel the world into the future. Greater Illinois will maintain the base, and a small commission will be charged on a user-by-user basis on each nation that wishes to use it to support the maintenance and continued operation of the station. Given that Greater Illinois built 50% of the entire thing, the only special caveat is that the Neo-Soviet Union and Dacia are completely barred from accessing the system unless COMECON forces us to open up. Because [bleep] you, that's why.
• Tomorrow marks the XXth anniversary of the Harrowing of Moscow. Celebrate the glorious retribution against the Russkies by burning Russian flags, reporting Russophiles to your local Solution headquarters, and buying military bonds.
• Today, Greater Illinois has announced the imposition of an embargo on the Austrian state and the dispatch of a group of 8th-gen SRUs (the 12th SRU Division "Eagle" (Gen 8)) to West Germany (the Beryist Reich) to monitor the new, worryingly misandrist state that claims to be a technological and economic superpower, despite lacking a space program (thanks to Illinoisian denial) and Austria not being the fittest land for mass industrial development, as is the case for Illinois, Poland and Byzantium. Ideally, this will force the Austrian government into getting rid of its overly-matriarchal structures, sovereignty be damned. It is speculated that this state has been deemed so concerning that, in a very weird circumstance, some very, very different organizations have started to cooperate with one another. Alledgedly, there are reports of cooperation between the Illinoisian CIA, Polish ZZ, Byzantine EYP and Norse-Swedish intelligence within the country.
• As a symbol of good will to the Australian and British nations, an offer has been made to the Commonwealth of England, the Kingdom of Australia, the Republic of New Queensland and the State of Victoria to revitalize the AUKUS military pact from the old order. This pact will merely be one of mutual defense should the need arise.
• BREAKING NEWS: It is with great enthusiasm that the IPK and COMECON announce that the ultracomputer in the North Pole, enough to provide computational power for the entire world many times over with its 10^4,098 ops/sec processing rate, has been brought online and is fully operational. However, to realize the full power of this glorious machine, data facilities in Europe and the like must be, uhh, brought up to code, according to Illinoisian COMECON representatives. Either way, this machine's potential is nearly limitless, and it is expected that the ultracomputer will revolutionize the world as we know it.
• Lockheed-Martin has unveiled the first drone built specifically for ground combat, relying on fusion engines to keep it mere feet off the ground during combat. Armed with an array of 4 linked Gamma Laser repeaters and a miniaturized particle cannon, the drone is only around 1 by 2 meters in diameter, yet boasts supersteel armor (ultrasteel was too heavy for the microrepulsors to handle) and an electromagnetic force field as well. These drones are expected to serve as solo operatives, as an alternative for the group tactics used by SRUs. In a META sense, I was radicalized by the drones from Oblivion. Pardon the interference, ladies and gentlemen! The drone will be called the "ACV-9 'Obliterator'."
• Poland has recently stated that we "hate Russians way too much." Uhh, yeah.
• Why is everybody replacing "W" with "VV" all of the sudden? The trend, originating in Norway-Sweden as a form of LARP, has spread across the globe. We are very excited to see where this trend vvill go!
• BREAKING NEWS: Given the recent explosions in robotics and neurotechnology, the first civilian "cyber-set" has been created. These "sets" consist of four robotic limbs and a bionic eye. These limbs are expected to be better than biological ones many times over, although they still rely on nerve impulses (and not actual electricity) to survive. This measures a remarkable breakthrough, as accounting for all possible consequences on the human body was only possible with the help of our computers. As of late, thousands of Illinoisians, including President BERNHE himself, have discarded their biological limbs for these superior ones.
• In a wholesome development, President BERNHE has accepted the invitation to join the wedding ceremony of the Norse-Swedish leader. However, he has asked if he is also allowed to bring his own dignitaries. He is expected to bring a group of unidentified elite SRUs for security. If he's allowed to bring dignitaries, he'll probably bring Fr. James Fulbright, Dr. Robert Snow and Dr. Nathaniel Schmidt.
• What does the Greater Illinoisian population do for work? Around 40% of the population hold doctorates, while others are authors, artists, high-end tradesmen or national guardsmen. Blue-collar work, policing, maintenance and other dangerous/menial occupations have been completely automated.
• The very first Construction Nanites were created in a groundbreaking moment today. These nanites are supposed to aid in the building and demolition of buildings and will make the quality of builds far better, as well as decrease construction time by fivefold. Our megaprojects all of a sudden got a lot more realistic.
• A few days ago, Iefan Alstud, the Norse-Swedish anarcho-leader, married his fiancee, with delegations from all over the world invited to the ceremony, including us. Overall, the event went off without a hitch, but that doesn't mean that tensions didn't arise during the ceremony, especially as the presidents of diametrically-opposed nations interacted with each other. Some noteworthy incidents that we know of involve President BERNHE almost picking a fight with the Premier of the Neo-Soviet Union after the former called him a "piece of Russian trash" and Kultokrat Hubert Ziółkowski almost mistaking another partygoer for CIA director Mikolaj Kaminski in a drunken episode (who was asked not to attend by President BERNHE, citing security reasons). The Swedish leader also joined Fr. Fulbright in ranting about President BERNHE's and Byzantine leader Loukas Mitrides' cybernetics for fifteen minutes straight. Nevertheless, it is reported that Mr. Alstud talked with all four members of the Illinoisian delegation present, and it is expected that this will improve relationships somewhat as Illinois grows more and more open to international ideological pragmatism.
• It is with great enthusiasm that Lockheed Martin announces the first model of the portable rail cannon systems (dubbed the "RR-1") has been cleared for manufacturing. This will likely put black-powder weapons in a casket once and for all. It will probably mean the beginning of the eventual phasing-out of the tried-and-tested Gauss platform (although they'll still be kept around in arsenals). Production and rollout are expected to be far quicker than normal due to the implementation of construction nanites in factories.
• The Greater Illinoisian COMECON delegation announced today's second international Illinoisian megaproject: the International Space Platform. Essentially the ISS but on crack, this going to be a massive space station, bigger than anything ever constructed in the vacuum of space before, that will serve as a coordination station for probes, mining ships, personal ships and FTL docking, and a veritable colony in its own right. The station itself wouldn't be so hard to construct, but the problem is that it's slated to be in interplanetary orbit, not in Earth's sphere of gravitational influence. The station is expected to be halfway between Mars and Earth and will be the first step toward permanent international space infrastructure.
• Greater Illinois has announced that it intends to send elite SRUs to forcefully solve the Simpson Island crisis so people would stop complaining about it. When the corvette arrived a few days later, it revealed a SINGLE 1ST-GENERATION SRU, normally a relic found in museums, who planted the ARI flag and Greater Illinois flag down on the soil, opened up its backpack and revealed...a speaker. Then, it tuned the speaker to blast 12 hours of Caramelldansen, which the SRU danced to for a little while before entering sleep mode. The SRU then picked up the speaker and flags, issued a vocal annulment statement, got on a dinghy, and left.
• Greater Illinois has offered to sign a mutual defense pact with Outasia, should the degenerate anarchists that plague South America ever threaten them. It remains to be seen whether or not they'll accept.
• President Henderson stated that "Greater Illinois should throw more parties..." after attending the wedding ceremony of the Norse-Swedish anarcho-leader.
• Lockheed Martin has produced the first round of ACV-9 drones, to be tested on a Neo-Soviet base in the Baffin Islands. Time will tell if these drones are effective or not.
• In partnership with the IPK, Greater Illinois has launched the Museum Preservation Initiative, which seeks to expand the collections and guarantee the integrity of museums and other academic buildings all over the world by asking each major bloc to recognize them as protected buildings, not to be bombed or used for combat in any way.
• In just a few weeks, many significant breakthroughs can be attributed partially to the big computer in the North Pole that Greater Illinois, with the support of COMECON, has constructed. Construction nanites, the first actual outer space colony, and new revolutions in the field of ballistic weapons. It remains unknown for now what innovation it is spurning in the outside world.
• Greater Illinois has strongly condemned the PSNR's attempt to invoke Article 5 against the Sorbian state, claiming that Poland is merely trying to use its influence in the AltUN and its status in the NWP to bully its smaller neighbor around based on weak or unfounded claims. "Once again, despite the recent improvements in our bilateral relationships, the PSNR once again shows its hypocrisy by attempting to do to Sorbia what they once and still accuse us and our allies of doing; imperialism. Unlike the Lithuanian situation during the Eastern Crisis, the claims against Sorbia are weak, futile, and nigh-treasonous. In actuality, the Kultokrat merely wants an easy land grab at the expense of the economic and geopolitical welfare of the Sorbian state, the PSNR's benefactor since its inception. We here at Greater Illinois implore every member of the GTO and any other AltUN or NWP member state with a shred of decency to oppose such a resolution," President BERNHE said in a press release. If the resolution passes, Greater Illinois has pledged to implement a three-month moratorium on direct trade with the PSNR while expending resources to restore the remnant Sorbian infrastructure to capacity.
• On a more positive note, it has been revealed that the Islamic Emirate of Finland has agreed to be more careful with its SatellaGlobe operations. This could reverse the subtle cooling of relations between our two states since the SatellaGlobe project was initiated.
• In a shocking move, President BERNHE has publicly demanded that the Neo-Soviet Union officially recognize the Holodomor as a genocide and pay subsequent reparations to the Ruthenian Social Nationalist Republic in a podcast today. While it is unknown if this will become an official demand sanctioned by the state, this incident again shows President BERNHE's staunch solidarity with the Ukrainian people and vocal criticism of the Moskals in the USSR.
• Greater Illinois has voiced a desire to host the Japanese Government-In-Exile since the country has been couped by a clique of crazy posties. While some members of the AAU find the new Japan funny, most Illinoisians are horrified at the extreme misandry of the state.
• In a defined pre-emptive act of aggression, Greater Illinois has announced the beginning of a mass joint sanction on the horror that now occupies the Egyptian state. The sanction includes every ARI member de facto so far, but Byzantium and a few other states are also expected to join soon. Greater Illinois is also pressuring the AltUN to deny the Egyptian nightmare any sort of recognition.