Flowers and LoveOriginal language: Spanish
Original publication: 17 February 2024
Written by: Daniel “Abominate” Sansón
Translated by: Daniel “Abominate” Sansón
License of this version: (None specified)
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Anarchy
Locked within these walls, my breathing is deep, although it is not deep with love, it is not deep with happiness... I was born to be free, in my own sense, but it seems that society doesn’t want me to be. I have been catholic, I come from a believing family, I am no longer one, but if there is a god; Ask me for forgiveness on your knees. I would not wish to be in your place, the world is so corrupt that it fills me with anguish and pain, a tireless pain.
I don't want to be judged by a deity, nor led by a tyrant, I want to be judged by me, led by me...
In these months I have seen something, something that no one sees, not just shadows, I have seen a reality outside the imagination of any man, not only life in animals and plants, I have seen something outside of any living being, not only tears in my heart, I have seen anarchy, my salvation, my freedom, what I want to achieve.
It is nothing outside of any human understanding, it is something outside of civil understanding, of the understanding of civilization and its minions, of society and its marginality.
I look to the sides and I only see the dead, the living dead, murdered by the black hand full of blood of society, of the people, of others. I have tried to talk to them, but all I hear is crying, crying and screaming. I have taken refuge under my sheet, looking for a place to find some happiness, but under those sheets I was, my search has failed. I feel very sad, but that makes me happy. I don't need to give a face to others, I don't need to be anyone to society, I am myself, myself. I hate this, but I love it.
The only thing I know is that now I am free, without taking into account the institution of order that the state has installed to confine me. I know I am a pessimist, but I do not believe I am completely, since in myself I see nothing, and nothing is all.
Flowers
After some time I write again, it is not usual since this place is not suitable for thinking. Still I'm going to try. My head will burn, but I will try harder. It will all be true, or just an invention in my head to escape from reality, who will know. In Spanish it would sound like I'm rhyming, but in English not so much, I'm still trying. Let's get started, no later. Anarchy is everything, but it is nothing, as the previous text ended. It is not a doctrine, it is not a philosophy, not even an ideology, it is a way of life, although in a way it is not. To describe it in one word would be to limit it, something I said to a girl a long time ago, but now I use it for something more beautiful than her.
Mom and dad left, but I don't know how long ago, I can't know the date, people have left my side, even the psychiatrist has left my side, and not precisely because of emotions, but to give me the pills. How happy I feel sometimes, since moderation helps me, but how bad it feels when you stop escaping from reality, for anyone it could seem like cowardice to face my truth, but for me it is more of a strategy, escaping due to the great difference in strength.
These four white walls are anarchy in a certain way, since they are nothing, but they are everything, how many times have I said it already? I can't count them... It's true that there have been more than one, but I can't count them.
Have you ever seen a beautiful rose in a flower arrangement? I hope so, since that is the vision of life after using.
My mind can't go any further, I can't stretch my arm other than to grab and swallow, we're not talking about liquids, or certainly food, we're talking about something solid and white, just like these four walls.
They are certainly nothing, but they are everything to escape from reality, have I said it again? I can't believe it. I think it's time to go back to sleep, even so, I haven't been able to escape my reality, this has been nothing, but it has been everything for me, I hope I don't have to repeat it again.